Friday Video: Schweddy Balls

Not sure who I'm more in love with - SNL & Alec Baldwin for the sketch, or Ben & Jerry's for actually running with it. Both have made me incredibly happygasmic...

In The Name Of Brave People Everywhere, Amen.

Friday Video: SNL Great Day

Time To Start Pushing

So, I am officially in labor. I mean, I have been in labor for years now, but the baby is crowning and it's time to start pushing.

I started writing Dancing With Crazy about nine years ago and it is, at long freaking last, done and being published. And it has nearly killed me. Well, living it nearly killed me several times over - writing it has been both my healing saving grace and the thing that I was sure would finally push me over the edge. But it didn't. And I am an infinitely better and kick assier person because of it.

After writing and re-writing it more times than I can count and, like millions of other writers out there, not being able to get through a literary agent's door - thus no publisher would look at it, I decided, as I tend to do, to say, "Fuck it - I'm doing it myself." So, I started my own publishing company, Hullabaloo Press, to publish my own creations and perhaps, down the road, others that might be a good fit. Who knows... I have an amazing team of people working with me and am just ridiculously excited about how things are playing out for me. Many possibility doors have opened lately and I am going through as many of them as I can manage.

I want to thank the surprising number of you that have stuck with this blog while I have hidden my publicly sassy self and eaten up my last remaining months of privacy. It has been crucial and delicious. And I am done. I am ready to come out of hiding, strip down - as it were, and get to work.

Blogging will continue to be a bit sparser than I'd like for the next few weeks while I am recording, shooting, building sites, overseeing publication... Because, well, there is only one of me. But, there are fun things planned. A new website and blog are nearly complete, video blogging will commence (don't know why I hate the word vlogging so much - but I do) and we will dig in and have some major discussions about many things and I will, once again, expose my guts to any that might find them interesting or helpful in navigating their own human adventures.

Ready... Set...

Captured Moment: Belly Up To The Bar, Boys!

I love this photo. It, alone, would drive a man to drink.

Happy Day After Pirate Day!

How the HELL I didn't know that September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day until later yesterday when it was too late to do anything about it is freaking beyond me! You better believe that next year there will be outfits and celebrating. Mark me words.

(See video below for proper belated tribute.)

Friday Video: Jack Sparrow

Pirates. Captain Johnny Depp Sparrow. Michael Bolton in drag. Seriously, this could not make me happier.

About To Give Flint A Serious Run For His Money

You know what they say. Once you use Old Spice...

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Related Posts:

Flint
At The Fur Post With A What Down His What???
Flint Plus LaFawnda Equals True Love Always

Gay Man Myth #6

Gay men are really possessed by dis-embodied female spirits.

Okay, for real, when I was Uber-Mormon I was taught this by an also Uber Mormon, muscle testing, kinesiologist, healer friend of mine. Gay men are really just possessed by female spirits that have refused to “cross over” and have jumped into, and taken over, their host body (kind of like JJ did that one time she was a demon. ) These female spirits are so happy to be in a physical body, and are so ridiculously horny, that the poor straight guys they have inhabited have no choice but to obey their Mistress and get it on with other guys.

Conversely, lesbians have been taken over by horny male spirits. I am horrified to report (though obviously not above mocking the hell out of myself) that I took a lesbian friend (whose LDS mission did NOT cure her like it was supposed to) to see him so he could cure her. He muscle tested, hypnotized, cast out, led her through visualizations, muscle tested again, cast out some more… until she was free of the dude that was making her finger other chicks.

Didn’t work. Last I heard she was still gay.

Huh.

So… gay men are possessed by dead divas and lesbians have been taken over by dis-embodied douche bags. Isn’t there some magical mojo pouch of glitter and garlic one can wear to prevent this? Because, I’m all for having men inside of me but that’s taking it a bit too far.

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Related Posts

Gay Man Myth #1
Gay Man Myth #2
Gay Man Myth #3
Gay Man Myth #4
Gay Man Myth #5

The Sex Diaries

So, earlier this year I was approached by a production company in New York - wondering if I would be interested in being featured on the pilot for a new series on Oprah's new network. Interested? Umm... Duh. The theme of the show? Sex. More particularly, a filmed diary all about my sex life. Umm... Sure. Why the hell not?

After many weeks of shooting it is finally done and is, I just received last minute notice, airing TONIGHT on OWN. So... for all things Emily's Sex Life related... Check your local listings. Here in Utah, there are conflicting times. Some listings say 8:00PM and others say 10:00PM. So, check your TV, set your TIVO, pour yourself a cocktail and fasten your seat belt...

Kimeli Naiyomah

Another story about The Beauty of the Human Spirit. Despite it all, this world really is an incredible place to be...

9/11 Memorial - Remembering

We all remember where we were the morning of September 11 – where we were, what we were wearing, who was next to us, who we called... the disbelief, the horror, the fear, the anger and, as the day wore on, the unspeakable grief.

I drove my kids to school yesterday and caught my breath at the sight of the entire length of the high school lined in American flags. Suddenly I was back in my living room, ten years ago, with my hand over my mouth and tears streaming down my face. Funny how memories can come out of nowhere bringing with them, sometimes overwhelming, emotions. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way I felt that morning a decade ago. It is forever imprinted on my soul.

After I dropped the kids at school I read about the new 9/11 Memorial that just opened to the public at what has, until now, been referred to as Ground Zero. I was so moved to see what has been created – at how we, as a nation, have healed and how we are continuing to heal. I was, am, so proud of how we remember and honor and re-build. I am so grateful for our capacity, both individually and collectively, to get back up, to stand a little taller and burn a little brighter – both in spite and because of what we have been through.

An article on the Memorial said: "It will do what the terrorists tried to prevent, which is we've created a place where, regardless of political stripes, economic class, ethnicity, country of origin, people will be coming together, paying their respects at a place that's been transformed from one that was noted for such pain ... to a place of stunning beauty."


I read those words and wept. I looked back on my own life and at my own determination to turn my personal Ground Zeros into places of stunning beauty. I look around me as see so many others doing the same thing. We all have our internal 9/11’s – those moments where we were hit, crumbled and have never been the same. How have we handled them? Are the giant empty places still there, covered in rubble, or have we done our work? Have we grieved and mourned and then gotten up and done the necessary clearing for our own memorials?

Those moments never go away. There is pain that never completely dissipates. There are wounds that, once healed, do leave scars. But what our internal landscape looks like is totally and completely up to us. Close your eyes for just a moment and look at your Ground Zero. What does it look like? How is it affecting your life? Have you covered it in tarp and wondered why it won’t just go away? It won’t. But, it doesn’t have to be a haunted, barren, howling wasteland. It can be exquisitely beautiful.


If there’s clean up to do - do it. If there’s quiet honoring to do - do it. Clear away the old and the dead. Breathe in the life and the healing. Make it beautiful. Erect monuments and museums. Plant every tree and flower you can imagine. Fly your own flag proudly. Honor yourself. Celebrate your survival and re-birth. Life changing, soul shattering, events happen - but we don’t have to be crippled by them. We really can be better for them – stronger, kinder, safer, smarter, braver… I promise. Life goes on and it can do so joyously. We really can get up, start again and move on.

And then, whenever we need to, we can go inside, kneel at our own altar, and remember.

Currently Listening To

Friday Video: This Answers The Question I Asked Myself For Years

That question being: What would I do with a brain if I had one?

The answer? Think.

While I do not consider myself an atheist (I consider myself to be the polar opposite, actually) I cannot give a longer or louder standing ovation to this guy's reasoning and thought process. I didn't even know thinking like this existed, let alone what it might feel like, until well into my thirties when I walked away from my religion. Absolutely brilliant.

A Time Out For Some Happy

(Image courtesy of: HeartMath )

...Sang Anyway

Wow. This guy's billboard humbles me.

I'm Still Me: Part Two

On Monday I posted, both on this blog and on my Facebook page, a comment by a woman merely stating what she would most like her loved ones to understand about her since leaving the Mormon Church. 116 comments later I decided to briefly speak up about the fairly brutal faith bashing that ensued.

I understand that Facebook is a forum where many people like to argue and debate one another on a variety of topics. Obviously, the topics most often thrown around right now on my FB page are those surrounding Mormonism. I also understand that conversations between Mo’s and Ex-Mo’s can be volatile, at best, and abusive, at worst. The comment string I am referring to was filled with big words and smartly crafted sentences that were, basically, two groups of people cleverly telling one another to fuck off. Positions were defended and beliefs were dismantled. Testimonies were born and immediately mocked. Now, I am the first one to say that I hate, repeat: HATE, being Gospel Raped by a TBM. Nothing gets us Ex-Mo’s panties in a bunch faster than being witnessed to and told that “If only we had… or could… or obviously we’ve never…” I have been on BOTH sides of that conversation. I was the True Blue Mormon with the die hard testimony. And now I wear thongs and sexually harass missionaries. But, this is all just so ridiculous.

Look, we are never going to agree. Mormons that believe will never let go of defending and reverencing their beliefs. And they should never have to. Their beliefs should [key word] bring them closer to themselves and to God and to who they know that God to be, and not to be, and make them happier, better people. We ex-Mormons will also never let go of defending our beliefs and where we now find ourselves and reverencing what our experience has been. And we should, also, never have to. Our beliefs should [key word] bring us closer to ourselves and to God (or to no God) and who we know that God to be, and not to be, and make us happier, better people. We are never going to agree, can we please just start being respectful and kind? In other words…

Can we all please stop being assholes?

Here’s the two cents I would like to add to Kelli’s post. Do you know how unbelievably incredible and miraculous it would be for a person who is having a crisis of faith to have friends and family say, “Wow, I can’t imagine how terrifying that would be.” “How hard that must be for you to be losing your foundation – tell me about it.” “I love you and really want to understand what you’re going through…” instead of being met with instant judgment, fear and silence? We have emotional doors slammed in our faces and suddenly have our nearest and dearest treating us like we’re leprous pedophiles. We’re no longer allowed around nieces and nephews or grandchildren and suddenly find ourselves on the outside of holidays and other family celebrations. I absolutely agree with Kelli. I am still me – the same woman that loves fiercely, worships passionately, laughs loudly and has always loved the word fuck - even when I was a testimony bearing Relief Society Teacher.

And I promise to try my best to stop being an asshole to the Mormons.

Friday Video: The Miracle Of The Daffy Jesus Lizard

When I saw the slow-mo shot of this little guy running on the water, I nearly wet myself. (The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger also rocks.)

Ask me how desperately I want this guy to officially narrate my life.

Lady Gaga + Jo Calderone = New Shebang Post

Check it out...