Coming Out

I've been thinking a lot lately about coming out.

I love how that read. Not myself coming out - don't think I could be more "out" if I tried. I mean other people coming out and making a public declaration of who they are. After Prop 8 especially, there was a lot of pressure put on gays to come out to their families, friends and co-workers and stand as a united front - to get the straight people who are trailing at the end of the enlightenment parade to understand that they are surrounded by wonderful gay people, that they already love, and may not even have known it. It was/is all very political and an important step in forwarding equality. And, I understand the importance of it - hell, I was counted among those shouting, "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

But, these past couple of years so much has shifted in me and so much has softened in me, and I have been re-thinking so many things. Now I just think if people want to keep things private, they should absolutely do so.

There are a million reasons why one would not share the fact that they're gay with co-workers, or hold off coming out of the closet to their children. Everyone has their own timing and path. I'm not talking about keeping big, fat secrets (if you're gay and your spouse is not, TELL THEM) I just mean if you don't want to broadcast your private life to people that aren't in your inner circle of loved ones, then by all means don't.

And this is so much bigger than coming out of the gay closet. We all have ways in which we might "come out" to others. Coming out as a Democrat to Republican friends, or as religious to atheist friends, or admitting to your book club that you're a little over Oprah. Or that you're 47 and secretly love Justin Bieber. Whatever. I have had awkward conversations with fellow Bitter-Ex-Mormons when I reveal that I am still very spiritual and absolutely still a believer in many, many things not of this world. S'okay. Doesn't really matter.

I'm just saying - come out if you want. Stay private if you want. Your soul and emotional well-being are so much more important than a political or religious movement. Your inner world does not exist to forward someone else's agenda. If you are out to yourself, if you know and can celebrate who you are in the quiet of your own heart, that is all that matters.

In the name of Urkel, (who, somehow, grew up to be kind of hot) Amen.

The Nipple Sisters

Let the fun begin...

The Name Game Continued...

Okay, Internetland - we Shebangers still need your help in Naming Our Penis Mascot. Personally, I'm pushing for Spunky or Bosley - so if you'd get on and push the votes in either of those directions I will give you a special treat...

Talk About Religulous

Apparently the one that God loves the most is a freshly baptized nutsack.

Friday Video: Blueman I Feel Love

You know those days when the stars align and Happiness has her way with you in all manner of twisty cone ways? That was my birthday. That has been my week.

Feeling the love in such BIG ways and giving it right back. Enjoy!

The Most Magical Day Of The Year

Happy Birthday to me... Happy Birthday to me... I am a big, fat dork... Happy Birthday to me!!!

Talk About Religulous

Friday Video: This Drummer Is At The Wrong Gig

The band itself would be unbearable - but the drummer can play my parties anytime.

Stoopid State Laws: Delaware & Florida (Cause Delaware Sucks)

Delaware:
The first of the laws just kind of seem to make sense:

“R” rated movies shall not be shown at drive-in theaters; It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink; Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment (I also think it’s grounds for finding oneself plopped in the loony bin); No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle…

There are a couple laws that make me scratch my head:

It is illegal to wear pants that are “firm fitting” around the waist: I guess threat of jail is one way to get rid of those unsightly muffin tops.

One may not whisper in church: Cause sign language is less distracting? Personally, I prefer telepathy in the House of the Lord.

Alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time: A bunch of drunk people standing around doing nothing. Fun nightclub.

Six-year-old girls may not run around without being fully clothed: But four-year-olds, and all girls seven and older… It’s a Delaware Schoolgirls Gone Wild streak fest.

No person shall pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk: But a person can sleep for real on a bench no problem? And, how the hell can they tell if the person is pretending - they giggle because no one in Deleware passed Acting 101?

Blah, blah, boring. Delaware, thou art lame.

Florida: gimme something, Baby…

It is illegal for a doctor to ask a patient whether they own a gun: “I’m sorry Mr. Jones, the tumor has spread and is inoperable. Do you, by any chance, own a… rope or a very sharp knife?”

The state constitution allows for freedom of speech, a trial by jury, and pregnant pigs to not be confined in cages: Hell, yeah. Set the pregnant pigs free. And give them each a tube of lipstick and a gift certificate to Massage Envy.

One may not commit any “unnatural acts” with another person: So, I looked up “Unnatural Acts” and got the following: …a term, once common in legal parlance, for certain sex acts, including anal sex, oral sex, other non-procreative sexual practices, incest, or procreative sexual acts in the wrong position or without procreative intent. Unnatural acts in this sense are related to the concept of sodomy but also includes "crimes against nature" like bestiality and necrophilia. Okay, I agree that necrophilia is totally twisted and should absolutely be illegal. Score one for Florida. But, while I do agree that Kleatus should step away from the sheep and people need to stop seducing their pets with peanut butter – bestiality is not technically an unnatural act with another person. And “crime against nature?” What, like humping trees or trying to have oral sex with a babbling brook? (It might be a good way to get her to shut her up ;-) But all that other crap – oral, anal, non-procreative blah, blah, bullshit. And sexual acts in the wrong position? Come on, is there really any other way to perform them?

Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence: What is the difference between a “lewd” act and an “unnatural’ one? Lewd conduct is any unlawful act committed by an individual with the purpose of arousing the libido or sexual interest of themselves or the person towards which this action is directed… typically involve pornography, prostitution, or indecent exposure offenses. No arousing the interest of yourself or your partner or indecent exposure in your own home? So, basically they want unmarried couples to act like they’re married.

Doors of all public buildings must open outwards: Of course they must! How else do you get those fabulous slow motion shots of people storming out of buildings or happy couples leaving churches on their wedding day?

It is illegal to sell your children: This is why I won’t be moving to Florida.

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner: Cause the police are totally hanging out a Curlz-n-Cuts just waiting to bust Sleepy Claudine while her perm sets.

A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing: WTF? But married women can? This law is only there to benefit men who want to get rid of their wives. Total crap.

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle: Well, duh.

It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit: Seriously? Not only should this be a government AND church sanctioned activity - it should be a requirement.

Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown: In Florida? Really? Good luck with that.

Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal: Ding, ding, ding! We have a contender. As funny as live moose airplane pushing? Hmmmmm…. I love that someone actually got busted for porking a porcupine.

When having sex, only the missionary position is legal: Actually, this is the real reason I won’t be moving to Florida.

You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM: I don’t even know what to say about this one except that it’s totally awesome. And I would LOVE to see how this is enforced.

It is considered an offense to shower naked: Ooooooo, I’m going to go thumb my nose at Florida in about 15 minutes. Naked. In my shower. Rebellious soul that I am.

You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers: Or what, the Mad Hatter will come over and spank you silly? Weird law.

Oral sex is illegal: No, THIS is the real reason I won’t be moving to Florida.

You may not kiss your wife’s breasts: What do you mean I can’t kiss my wife’s breasts? What about your wife’s breasts? Can I kiss them?

Joseph Smith: Prophet, Seer, Revelator, Tony Winner.

Great Article on the sweeping of the Tonys last night (best one in recent memory) by the Book of Mormon Musical. Many wonderful moments: Neal Patrick Harris was freaking incredible - opening number was superb (felt soooo sorry for Brooke Shields), his number with Hugh Jackman, that stunning closing wrap up of the entire show (holy shit!!!); Bumble Bee acceptance speech of darling-ness; Francis McDormand not giving a shit but caring a lot; and the walking through walls speech that left me speechless.

Gotta say though - nothing topped Trey Parker including their dearly departed co-writer, Joseph Smith, in his Best Musical acceptance. "You did it Joseph! You got the Tony!"

B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.T.

Talk About Religulous

New Shebang Post: Being A Real Woman

More of my Goofy Ramblings on The Whole Shebang.

Oh My God, I Still Love Him...

Truly. Madly. Deeply.





Yummy, yummy Isaiah Mustafa - I'll ride you, Baby. Bareback.

That's What I Get For Raising Smart Ass Children

So, the other day my son and I were getting our teeth cleaned at our bi-annual trip to the dentist. He was x-rayed and cleaned first - then came over to hang out with me while they worked me over. Christian went to the toy box to get his prize - even though he is 16 years old. The yo-yo sucked so he went back to get something else. The chair was reclined back, my eyes behind the protective glasses were closed and my mouth was wide open. The Dental Hygienist turned her head to grab a tool and my man-child crammed a toy truck in my mouth.

It. Was. Awesome.

Virginia Is For Lovers?!?!?

So, apparently, NAMBLA has moved to Virginia. *

North American Man / Boy Love Association is a "pedophile and pederasty advocacy group." A teacher in my high school was arrested and fired for officially being a member of this group. In Jr High, another teacher was arrested for having sex with, and taking nude photos of, boys in my class.

BARFLA.

Advocates for sexual abusers of children. Seriously fucked up.

(* Not an actual add for NAMBLA - just some dumb ass company without a clue.)

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The Name Game

Okay, Internetland, We Shebang Girls Need Your Help. Put on your funniest, cleverest, silliest, thinking caps and fire away...

Thanks!!!

Friday Video: Techno Jeep

Oh, how I LOVE creative people!

Gender Matters

Okay, a friend sent me a fascinating article that I have not been able to stop mulling over.

Check This Out. New, but not first time, parents Kathy Witterick and David Stocker of Toronto, Canada have decided not to tell anyone the sex of their new baby, Storm. Not even the child's grandparents. "We've decided not to share Storm's sex for now--a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime (a more progressive place?)... If you really want to get to know someone, you don't ask what's between their legs."

They say that kids receive messages from society that encourage them to fit into existing boxes, including with regard to gender. "We thought that if we delayed sharing that information, in this case hopefully, we might knock off a couple million of those messages by the time that Storm decides Storm would like to share...In fact, in not telling the gender of my precious baby, I am saying to the world, 'Please can you just let Storm discover for him/herself what s (he) wants to be?!." She wrote in an email.

After thinking it through for a few days I have decided to call a very loud "Bullshit" on this one. I am absolutely a proponent of blowing the boxes that society places us in to smithereens. I agree that every human being should get to decide who they are and who they want to be. But every human being is also born with either a penis or a vagina. That is not a choice - it just is. We are born a specific gender whether we like it or not. The issue is what it means from that point on. We all get to decide what kind of man or woman we are going to be - if we feel drawn to the more classical version of our gender or not. Or if we even want to physically remain the gender we were born into. But that is up to US to decide. Not anyone else - including our parents.

I absolutely believe that it is a parent's job to celebrate their child's gender, not to erase it. To open and offer every opportunity for that child to explore their mind, heart, personality and, yes, gender. If a parent says, "You are a boy or you are a girl and it's amazing and incredible and let's explore all the possibilities that holds," it is a huge gift. I think that parents that try and remove their children that much from "society" and raise them that disconnected - that far on the fringe - they are not raising people who, as adults, can positively change the way the world views and values gender, they are raising people that might spend far too much time just trying to figure out who the hell they are. They may rebel, act out and become a version of themselves that may not be who they actually are, or want to be, but one that will best assist them in individuating from, and punishing, their parents. That's not freedom. Not by a long shot.

The article said that the baby is not one that was born with both sex organs. That baby has a penis or a vagina - that is just a fact. I can't help wondering what the parents say to those kids about their genitals in private. If not careful, they could seriously mess with those kids sexual identities. I think they may be robbing them, not giving them a gift.

The article also stated that "During Witterick's pregnancy, her son Jazz was having "intense" experiences with his own gender (Ya think???), [that the couple's] choices haven't always made life easy for their kids. Though Jazz likes dressing as a girl, he doesn't seem to want to be mistaken for one. He recently asked his mother to let the leaders of a nature center know that he's a boy. And he chose not to attend a conventional school because of the questions about his gender. Asked whether that upsets him, Jazz nodded." I think that they are creating FAR more gender issues with these kids than they realize. Hell, it's already a huge issue. Instead of gender being something free and comfortable that is without boundaries and completely beside the point, which seems to be their goal, it is already something that is confusing, embarrassing, larger than life and is taking up a lot of emotional space.

As for his mother, she's not giving up the crusade against the tyranny of assigned gender roles. "Everyone keeps asking us, 'When will this end?'" she said. "And we always turn the question back. Yeah, when will this end? When will we live in a world where people can make choices to be whoever they are?"

While I applaud that last line and the goal of raising gender-roll-free kids, I think that going about it this way is incredibly fucked up and may turn around and bite them in the ass one day. Or not. What do I know? I don't know them personally - I only read an article about them. But it seems to be more about control, making a social / political statement, and their own inner shit than what may be best for their kids.

Yep. I'm calling bullshit.