Friday Video: When Harry Met Sally 2

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

This is a Freaking Thing Of Beauty!!!

In the name of Helen Mirren's magical breasts. Amen.

Stoopid State Laws: California

Okay, in California:

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. I'm sorry, but it seems to me that taverns, schools and especially places of worship are the perfect places for public mating. It's both entertaining and educational. And, again, I have to love states thinking they can legally control the activities of animals. Seriously? Rover and Fifi are going to get hauled downtown? Come on, what ever happened to a good old fashioned hosing?

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. It took me a minute to realize they were, perhaps, referring to a boat. All I can picture is Cuzin Kleatus and his band of drunken, rifle wielding hillbilly buddies - whooping it up on the beach in their jalopy pick up. And why whales? While I may have an irrational screaming fear of them - and have seen more than one YouTube video of a whale attack - I am told they are, for the most part, just giant puppies that live in the sea. Singling them out for the firing squad seems a bit rude.

Women may not drive in a house coat. Well, sure. Women shouldn't do anything in a house coat. Ever.

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. Probably a good rule. Herbie the Lovebug and KITT are getting way out of control.

Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. But it says nothing about crashing a bicycle in-TO a swimming pool. Ha! No one will put an end to my favorite summertime activity. NO ONE.

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. This law should apply to alligator shoes and shark teeth as well.

It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds. And whales.

A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. Duh. It's like the house coats. Come on, this is California people. It's not like we're in... Utah.

Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. I love the fact that this was an actual law that was officially repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor. Now I love him even more.

Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits. Oh, sure - but the men can??? Come on!

Persons may not ride their bicycles through the “Fountain of Life.” Now officially on my bucket list.

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. Which is why I pine for my home state on a daily basis.

Okay, while California wins the Only True State award in my book - it's just not Stoopid enough. Good effort with the whale target practice and magical speeding cars but those can't even touch Alaska's mid-flight, live moose hurling.

I honestly don't think anything will.

Oh, Gawd...

LDS Church treats men and women as equals? Really?
Do I really need to comment on this? Didn't think so.

A G-Shot In My G-What???

Oh, Hell No, Dude.
You, and your needle, aren't getting anywhere near my coochie!

Talk About Religulous

Currently Listening To

It's Raining Men. Hallelujah!!!

Seriously, I cannot stop both listening and shaking my groove thang. If you love musical theater on parade - overflowing with divas, drags and disco - go to Amazon right now and Order Your Very Own Copy.

You will be ridiculously glad you did.

Random Answer To Random Moslem Question That Made Me Randomly Giggle

A friend forwarded me the following random comment from some random site by some random guy that calls himself RandomFerret.

I found it not-so-randomly funny.

No, Moslems don’t believe that Jesus was the messiah.

Think of it like a movie. The Torah is the first one, and the New Testament is the sequel. Then the Qu’ran comes out, and it retcons the last one like it never happened. There’s still Jesus, but he’s not the main character anymore, and the messiah hasn’t shown up yet,

Jews like the first movie but ignored the sequels, Christians think you need to watch the first two, but the third movie doesn’t count, Moslems think the third one was the best, and Mormons liked the second one so much they started writing fanfiction that doesn’t fit with ANY of the series canon.

Happy Easter Internetland!

Friday Video: I Didn't F*ck It Up

Okay, this is IT! This is our new theme song. Join with me, Internetland. Let's raise our hands and scream it from the rooftops.

"I Wanna Be An Un-Fucker!!!"

Ahhhhhh... That Feels So Damn Good

See??? Swearing is Good For You!!!

Fuck, I could have told you that. Wait... I think I did.

Bow-Chicka-Bow-Bow

Funnest job I've done in quite a while... The Tongue Guy totally cracks me up.

And, yes, they gave me product. And, yes, I used. And, yes, I nearly fell over at what scraped off my tongue. Holy shit and a big, fat ewwwwww - can't believe anyone ever made out with me! Internetland, run out and get one of these immediately.

This Hot Mom is totally a convert.

The Whole Shebang

"A Red Head, a Brunette and a Blonde, in the same place but not at the same time [[wink]], blogging about the way they fearlessly live their lives - sharing their thoughts and adventures and dying to hear yours..."

Quite a while ago I accidentally watched a bit of a TV show called Good Things Utah. I have met a couple of the women that host this show and they are great - very saucy, fun, kind and funny - so this is nothing against them personally. But, the show itself made my colon break out in hives. So very Utah. So very big Utah jewelery, so very big Utah Southwest set, so very big Utah feeling and tone set by that one church. In other words, so very NOT me.

I immediately began fantasizing about producing an Other Things Utah type of show - for those of us that simply cannot relate to, nor abide, the dominant culture here. Very much The View meets Sex and the City. So, after a few false starts and stops and a couple of change overs in casting I am oh-so pleased to introduce you to...

The Whole Shebang: starring JJ Neward, Laura Montoya and my lil old self. We are starting as a BLOG and building from there.

So yeah, if you really want to know what happens when a blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar, AND YOU ARE OVER 18, CHECK US OUT.

You won't be sorry.

Friday Video: Katie Couric Investigates The Sillies

Katie Couric Investigates the Sillies from Katie Couric

"Bad Katie!"

Talk About Religulous

And this, my friends, is why I no longer go to church.

Meet Fred Karger

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Fred Karger, from our film "8:The Mormon Proposition." Wonderful man.

I LOVE This Story!

Yep, There's One For Coochies

So, of course, I HAD to see if there was a Vagina Museum. And, Yessiree Bob, I Googled and up popped The Original Vulva Museum. Of course, it's all artwork and jewelery inspired by the marvelous muff and not actual specimens like in the penis palace. Cause let's face it, a room full of old vaginas - pickled, canned or dried; human, elephant or platypus - would only look like a bunch of shriveled fruit and, honestly, who would pay money for that?

Same with the Museum of Menstruation. Been there. Done that.

Then I found this Vulva Bed that you can actually crawl into complete with a clitoral hood pillow to rest your weary head upon. While this item might be very useful in therapists offices when re-birthing patients dealing with Mommy issues; wild weekend feminist retreats; and Tequila-lubricated lesbian slumber parties, it's not exactly my cup of tea. But a giant penis-shaped, wrap-around body pillow?

Dear Santa...

He Picked A Peck Of Pickled WHAT???

Iceland's Penis Museum Finally Gets Human Specimen

(Well, it's about damn time!)

LONDON (AP) - In life, Pall Arason was an attention-seeker. In death, the 95-year-old Icelander's pickled penis will be the main attraction at one of the world's most bizarre museums.

Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Husavik, says Arason's organ will help complete his extensive collection of whale, seal, bear, and other mammalian members.

The museum has been open since 1997 but Hjartarson has long waited for a human specimen to round out his display.

Hjartarson says that Arason, a friend, agreed to help by having his penis donated after his death.

The medical director of Akureyri Hospital said Tuesday that the operation was carried out in January under the supervision of a doctor at a local morgue.

Okay, bravo for having the museum. Fascinating, subtly seductive, cool, hip and forward thinking. I would totally spend hours perusing. But, I'm sorry, a 95-year-old Icelander's pickled penis??? The combination of being so riveted to that freaking jar that I couldn't possibly look away if I wanted to, mixed with the desperate need to run screaming from the building, might actually be the thing to finally cause my spontaneous combustion.

FREE KINDLE Brought To You By Sister Wife

Hey, Internetland - anyone interested in winning a FREE Kindle? Steal this photo of the cover of my friend Natalie's book Sister Wife, use it as your Facebook profile picture for 24 hours, link to the book's Amazon Page on your FB status, alert her at nataliewrites@gmail.com and you could win. The book is great. Kindles are cool. Go for it.

Or wait for my personalized vibrator contest.

Or both.

Oh, To Have That Much Time On My Hands

I recently came across This Article about a woman who created a 14 foot replica of The Last Supper out of lint collected from her dryer.



Not that I don't think it's totally cool and inventive, because I do, but 700-800 hours of laundry in 7 months??? Are you freaking kidding me???

Friday Video: Hitler Doing Home Teaching

Hitler Doing Home Teaching

Thing of Beauty.

Currently Listening To

Cause This Hot Mess Can't Get Out Of Bed

So, I have been sick as a hound dog - down flat for 9-10 days. No voice, deteriorating muscle tone, but rock solid abs from coughing up both lungs and my spleen.

I cannot pretend to be clever. Or sexy. Or smart. Or lucid. Or human. Sharing This Kick Ass Blog Post instead - while Jeebus takes a hold of my wheel for another minute...

* * *
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Friday Video: Top Bike Downunder

Ooooo.... Makes me pucker-n-clench.