Emily vs. The Elders: MILF & Cookies

Another totally-entertaining-unto-me Facebook exchange between myself and The Elders, after posting that I was going to start My Own Religion.

Emily: I'm going to need missionaries...

Elder Price: We would love to be your new missionaries. You need to get together with our new prophet Elder Cunningham and maybe we can combine it with out new Church we just started, The Church of Elder Arnold Cunningham of Latter-day Saints. Love your new ideas!

Emily: Looks like we may have a new Nephite / Lamanite competition going on here. Sweet!

Elder Price: Ok. But we get to be the white and delightsome ones.

Emily: Oooooo... that's exactly how I wanted this to play out. Let the games begin...

Elder Toady: Wait, which one does that leave me with?

Emily: Your choice, Elder. Guaranteed the white-n-delightsome ones won't have MILF and cookies.

Elder Toady: I want whatever one comes with a MILF and her cookies.

Emily: Jump aboard, Elder. That's one for the Emily-ites. ;-)

Elder Price: Elder Cunningham - Help!

Emily: Too late, Elder. [Insert evil laugh here]

Elder Toady: Quick Elder Price - perform a emergency baptism!

Emily: Like you guys can compete with my cookies... ;-)

Elder Toady: I know I can't. I am going to stop pretending.

Elder Price: Don't make me use my Harry Potter Priesthood on you Emily.

Elder Toady: Elder Price, show her your wand so she knows your serious!

Emily: Bring it, Baby. Sounds like something I'd seriously enjoy. ;-)

Elder Price: I will have to anoint you first with by SECRET not SACRED Consecrated oil!

Emily: I have my secret, magical potions and lubrications too, Elder.

Elder Price: WHOA! Where is our great prophet Elder Cunningham - I don't know if I can handle the great wittiness of an Emily-ite by myself.

Elder Toady: Like Lion-o and the Thundercats Elder Price, calls on his friends in gods army when he needs help!

Emily: You seriously think that I'd bat an eye at being tag teamed? Please.

Elder Price: WHOA!! I am Elder here! - What have I gotten myself into! I am going to have to call down the Wizard Moroni by the Powers of Grayskull! I Have the Power!!!

Elder Price: The Power to Give In to Tempation!

Elder Price: Temptation that is!

Elder Toady: Elder Price, your so flustered its hard to spell! Same for me!

Elder Price: This reminds me of a girlfriend that was a very bad influence on me. She always wanted to play a game called "Deity Free Room" where we could do whatever or say whatever we want and no Deity would listen or look in on us.

Elder Price: Well I found out it did not work and I almost allowed it to happen again!

Emily: Give up, Dude. You're mine.

Elder Price: Fine, I will just tell everybody I was forced into it like that new Tabloid movie or whatever it is.

Elder Price: But I will enjoy it! ;)

Emily: You bet your sweet name tag you will!

Elder Price: Promise you will carve your initials in the back?

Elder Toady: Sin happens, but you can repent and be forgiven!

Elder Price: I will never forget this day.

Emily: Baby, I will engrave your plates too.

Elder Price: I have a pair of brass plates.

Elder Toady: Can we hide the plates after? And just use some paper?

Elder Price: Well I have to get back to Missionary work. Our mission president told us that if somebody will not give in to what we are saying, just move on to the next one. But I will be back when you are ready Emily!

Elder Price: Can I have my name tag back now?

Elder Toady: I will stay with her, just to keep a eye on her until you return.

Elder Price: Well if you have to keep your Eye on something, Emily is a good choice. Eye candy!

Emily: You want your tag back? I guess. Just make sure you wash it off.

Emily: End scene.

Elder Price: OMG(osh)

Elder Toady: This was my first scene!

Elder Price: I have no come back

Emily: Seriously, you hand me a last line like that and expect me to not run with it???

Emily: Welcome to the big time, boys! ;-)

Elder Price: LOL - Never let me into your mind! I will need a serious brainwashing.

Elder Toady: I feel like a big toad in a small pond. I never saw the big time until now!

Elder Price: Till Next Time!

Emily: Or a giant mental condom.

Elder Toady: Wait, did you say metal?

Elder Price: OK YOU WON!

Elder Price: Let me go you evil woman.

Emily: YEY!!!!!!!! Of COURSE I did. Because I have money. And you can buy anything in this world with money. Including wit.

Elder Toady: How did she get so good?! She must have been born this way.

Elder Toady: You paid a bunch of people to think up your funny stuff?! Why didn't I think of this?!

Emily: Go. Run. Be free. I release you. For now.

Elder Price: Thank You (Elder Price leaves the room shaking his head and defeated) Bye

Elder Toady: ‎(Toad notices Elder Price left his name tag and one of his socks)

Emily: ‎"Next?"

Elder Price: ‎(don't care)

Elder Toady: That wasn't fair. I need to start with easier opponents.

[Later]

Elder Price: Dear Journal: We lost a battle with a Emily Pearson that lives at 89 Wine Court while tracting. The name of the street should have tipped us off. Wrote in the Mission Area Book about what happened and for future missionaries to stay away. Spirit told me to remove the note because it would only entice more Elders. May Heavely Father have mercy on their souls. -Elder Price, July 27th, 2011

Emily: Oh, sweet Elder Price... I would say I'm harmless, but I think we both know better.

Elder Price: My problem is I broke rule seventy-two and did not have Elder Cunningham with me. He is way better at making stuff up. Also we will give you a blessing to turn you into a lesbian. That will make you stop coming after us... I think.

Emily: Good luck with that. And, no. It wouldn't.

Elder Price: What are you going to do if we send the Sister Missionaries?

Emily: Dress them up in Emily-Wear and have them join me in your endless torment.

Emily: And, give them my secret cookie recipe.

Elder Price: How did I get sucked into this again?

Emily: Sweetheart, those that don't learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them.

Elder Price: Lesson Learned

Emily: Two. Elders: Zero.