Okay, in Connecticut:
It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire: What the hell kind of dumb-ass law is that? A firetruck driving a snail's pace along those 3ft wide windy roads - what's the point? Seriously. The firemen may as well just ramble on out of bed, slug down the stairs - completely ignoring their oh-so convenient Speedy Stripper Pole, grab a cold beer and some Hostess snack cakes and watch a movie in the truck on the way. In the meantime the neighbors can gather around the burning building and attempt to put out the fire with their spit.
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour: Okay, so why don't the firefighters just ride bikes instead? If they can bike up to 65 miles per hour but can only drive 25 - wouldn't that make sense? They can rig a wagon of gear up to their bikes and ride like the wind. Shirtless. Hell, that would make me consider moving back to Connecticut.
Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display: Holy crap! When we lived there I thought it was charming that all the houses only had white lights at Christmas time. Had I known it was because Big Brother Burgermeister Meisterburger didn't allow it, I totally would have covered myself in colored lights and run naked through the town square.
You may not educate dogs: Well sure. If dogs are educated they might get uppity and start demanding things like bigger hydrants, cleaner parks, tastier food, the vote and fair and equal treatment under the law. Plus they would start having their own reality TV shows, which would be totally awesome. I bet Dixie-Bell and Georgie-Girl would totally give Snookie a run for her money.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce: Ding, Ding, Ding! I think the Moose pushing going on in Alaska finally has some competition! Yes, pushing a live moose out of an airplane is an incredible visual - but pickles add humor to literally any phrase or situation. (I am adding it to the list - along with lips, pants, butt and pig.) Plus, the thought of the unbearably uptight residents of Connecticut tossing pickles hither and yon attempting to make them bounce is freaking beautiful. Will it plop or will it bounce? The suspense is KILLING me!!!
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades: So what you're saying is the dwellings of Connecticut residents house jars filled with used razor blades? They are collected? Hoarded? Displayed? The mother of one of my friends when I was little used to collect the family's nail clippings. Yep. A large jar filled with years of finger and toe nails sat on the back of their toilet. All together now... Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday: But only if you first lob a pickle at her and it doesn't bounce.
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
You aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
An arcade may not have more than a total of four amusement devices such as ping-pong tables, pinball machines, or shuffleboard tables.
Silly string is banned.
It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.
So, basically, the last five laws confirm what I suspected when I lived there. In Connecticut it is illegal to be happy or to have any kind of fun whatsoever.
However, that fact is totally made up for by the shirtless, pickle hurling firemen.
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