The Joey Diaries: Square One

I know - you've all been losing sleep wondering how the Training of the Spaz is going. Not good. And, Joey's not winning any awards either.

Geralynn's first instructions were, basically, to let him know who's boss. To make him eat food out of my hand before giving him the bowl. Now, Joey is one that likes to play with his food. Literally. He will stare at his bowl for a minute then smack it so hard the food scatters all over the floor. Then he will eat the kibbles one by one. So, when I only allowed him to eat the first bite from my hand he looked at me like "WTF Lady?" Then he'd take one, drop it on the floor, look at me again - clearly gloating at his cleverness, then eat it. So I began picking up the dropped piece of food while he was mentally mocking me and put it back in my hand before he could eat it off the floor. He soon gave in to my dominating ways. Success.

She encouraged me to lie him on his back and talk to him in a strong voice. Check. He loved it. Now it's turned into our favorite activity. I lie him down, dominate him, then scratch his belly and nuzzle and kiss his little neck. Sounds like me and my current Sexy-Loving-Man-Friend.

But, I soon realized that the more I showed him who was boss the needier he became. He followed me every-freaking where I went (which I don't really mind because he is the sweetest little guy) and started whining, then screaming, whenever I left. Yep - Joey screams like a little girl. A high-pitched scream-squeak-bark. It's the funniest thing. Except when it isn't.

And then came winter. And he decided to no longer be house trained. He is small and it is cold and the giant mounds of snow are not anymore pleasing unto him than they are to me. So our house became his toilet (even directly after being walked - like he was saving it just so he could get back inside faster and let loose where it was warm.) Incredibly rude. So, he is now gated in the kitchen, which he hates. Oh, well. And we both miss him sleeping in his bed at the foot of mine - but, again, oh well. And winter is not my best friend either and I am ridiculously busy and, therefore, I stopped even attempting to train him. Or myself. So, we are back where we started.

Except he is needier and screamier.

Awesome.