Hillbilly Proof

Okay so, big fat surprise, my Ex-Mormon Video caused a bit of a stir and gave several faithful and righteous individuals the opportunity to scold, judge, condemn me, and rip me apart. I was very careful to not bash the LDS church in any way but, rather, to share a mere 2 minute and 20 second snippet of a very long, very complicated personal life story. Have I bashed the church? Absolutely I have. Was I bashing it in that video? Nope. Not even close. That is not what that video series is about. Hell, they think that was bashing? They clearly didn’t read this blog during Prop 8.

All I did was state a few, very minor, things that had been my own personal experience growing up. I am stunned (but not really) at how many people came out swinging with, “No, you didn’t!” “No, they didn’t!” “No, we don’t!” “That’s not true!” I am “inaccurate” about my own experience? Excuse me, but how the hell do you know? Were you there? That’s like someone telling me that when they were little they were in a car accident and then, because that thought frightens me, having me scream at them that they are making it up, lying, deceived, crazy…

Whatever.

I stopped giving a shit about what The Hillbillies think of me a long time ago. I have a glorious life to live that they cannot comprehend in their wildest dreams.

[Note: I am NOT saying that Mormons are hillbillies. People are hillbillies if they behave and think like hillbillies and some of them happen to be Mormon. I am also not saying that people that hate me are hillbillies. People are welcome to hate me all they want – just, please, hate me for good and intelligent reasons. Little people have my permission to hate me. I have totally earned it.]

I was recently having a conversation with a friend who is a very active member of the LDS church. And she was complaining to me about how her fellow members react if anyone dares to voice that they are struggling or questioning their faith in the least little bit. That is probably the biggest issue that Ex-Mormons have with those that still believe. The moment there are questions, and those questions are voiced, doors are slammed. The moment one shares that a testimony has been rocked they are ostracized. One in a million members will actually say, “Wow, that must be so scary… How awful for you… I am so sorry, what can I do… I can’t even imagine what that would be like or what I would do…” The rest reject and label as dangerous and sinful faster than you can say CTR.

Do you have any idea how incredible it would be for someone who is struggling to hear those words? To have someone even try to understand? To have someone check their agenda at the door and listen for real, and empathize for real, about what is going on? About how terrifying it is? Because it is terrifying. More than they can imagine. And that is why they avoid us like the plague. They are so frightened of that happening to them that they bury their heads in self-righteous condemnation and hide behind the belief that we “obviously never really had a testimony to begin with.” Really? I never really had a testimony? Yes, I did. A BIG FAT ONE. The LDS church and my faith in God and Christ were absolutely everything to me. And that is what terrifies them so much. If I really can have a solid testimony and not do one thing to jeopardize it (ie: drink, have sex outside of marriage, look at porn, read anything that even smells anti-Mormon, stop paying tithing…) then they can too. And that thought is inconceivable and cannot, will not, be tolerated. Therefore, I am a liar and they are truth bearers. I am deceived and they are enlightened. I am to be pitied and corrected and they are just the ones to do it.

Whatever.

God, just imagine what they’re going to say when Dancing With Crazy is released. The shit is going to hit the fan. And, again, I will be a crazy, pathetic, misguided, dangerous, truth-impaired woman.

Whatever.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. They will never understand – I’m not even going to try and make them. It doesn’t matter to me. They don’t matter to me. The earth is not flat and I am done eating the vomit.

Actually the only comments that didn’t make me throw my head back laughing were the variations of “Well, let’s just see how things are for her in the next life.” Really??? You know how things are going to be for me in the next life??? You know my heart??? You know why I am on this planet better than I do??? You know the relationship I have with my Creator??? Are you really that arrogant? You actually have the audacity to sit back and smugly judge what my experience has been while I’ve been in this body and what it will be like when I am out of it???

Whatever.