Okay, so my post on sex toys being illegal in Alabama got me wondering about other dumb-ass laws upheld in our most Hillbilly-friendly states. Holy crap, turns out every one of our freaking United States has the most ridiculous and, I must say, beautifully hysterical laws. And, being the Patriotic Poster-child that I am - I am going to mock each and every one of them. The states not the laws. No one has THAT much time...Alabama:
Incestuous marriages are legal. True story: My dearest male cousin D. and I lived together before getting married. To other people. During his annual temple recommend interview, our bishop came to the question about sexual purity, looked D. gravely in the eyes and said, "I have to tell you that this living situation with you and Emily really concerns me. She's a beautiful girl, you're a good looking guy. You never know what could happen in a moment of weakness." D, trying not to vomit on the desk, said, "Bishop you do realize we're first cousins. My dad and her mom are brother and sister." The embarrassed bishop replied, "Well, I guess I can discontinue this line of questioning, can't I?" Don't think for a second that we don't, on occasion, still run toes up and down one another's shins and screech in our best Pee-Wee Herman voice, "I'm feeling weeeeeak..." Ewwwwww... Legal incestuous marriages. Barf. No offense D, but in the land of For Real nothing could make me feel that weak. But, just to be safe, we should stay out of Alabama. They outlaw sex toys. I'm just sayin...
Bear wrestling. It is illegal to wrestle a bear. Dammit. That is my favorite activity - second only to Formicophilia. Look it up. No, don't. It's gross. And I am just kidding. I don't actually like bear wrestling.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. Bah-hahahahahahahahaha!!! Totally awesome! Why didn't I think of doing that when I was a church goer?
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. There are hefty jail sentences for theft, assault, rape, drug trafficking but this they'll kill you for. How 'bout just a little pepper?
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Well, duh. Kleatus really needs to be told not to do this? Oh, yeah - he married his sister. Utah is looking better all the time.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Ya think?
Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail. So a woman can NEVER EVER EVER get deflowered in Alabama? Their only options are lesbianism and Vegas. Sweet.
Stupidest State Award? Granted, it is the first one, but so far, Alabama wins by an inbred, booger flickin, mile.
4 comments:
I know sumpin' 'bout cousin marriage, since I married my second cousin (legal in every state; based on our kids I'd highly recommend inbreeding). It is also legal (when I checked when I started dating my husband) to marry your first cousin in many other states, including New York and California and not including more "backward" places like West Virginia. I think I counted 13 where marrying your first cousin was not restricted; a few others allow it with other caveats, like only past childbearing age or only if you get genetic counseling, or not if you're double first cousins (two sets of siblings).
I am TOTALLY telling D. There may be hope for us yet.
Seriously though, I have a second cousin or two that I wouldn't kick out of my bed for eating just about anything. If I wanted to get married, I might actually consider one of 'em...
Ohhh Alabama, why can't we quit you?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_alabama_governor_christians
Yeah, I heard about that on the radio this morning. Nice.
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