I've been doing a bit of research lately on the effects of childhood sexual abuse. The internal wreckage that is left for the victim to spend a lifetime cleaning up is enormous and affects nearly every aspect of the survivors life. I came across a list of some of the lasting effects. They include:
Anxiety
Fear
Shame
A sense of inadequacy
Anxiety
A lasting perception of self as victim
Identification with the aggressor
Loss of opportunity to normally play and learn
The opportunity for normal growth and development
Lack of self esteem and self worth
Trust issues
Intimacy issues
Lack of control over his/her body
Loss of normal loving and nurturing
Lack of safety and security
As I read this list one thing that really struck me was how incredibly similar the lasting effects of sexual abuse are to the lasting effects of, what I consider to be, abusive religious teachings about sex - in particular the Mormon Church's teachings (or similar teachings of any conservative religion) about homosexuality.
I vividly remember how my virginal little self felt about sex after all the squeezed out orange object lessons in Young Women's; all the Standards Night / Law of Chastity firesides; and all the Don't Dry Hump Sunday School lessons taught by bishops to kick off every new semester at BYU. Every attempt at making me abstain from pre-marital sex also instilled me with dread, fear, shame, guilt and I had never even come close to being petted - let alone poked. I read over the above list and identified several issues that I had to work hard to overcome that were a direct result of what I was taught in church.
How much worse is it for gay kids growing up with those lessons? Exponentially. They get the same guilt, fear and shame instilled but they also get pummeled with the "unnatural, sinful, vile, perverse, against the laws of heaven" bullshit. How much more crippling is it for them? How much harder do they have to work to be sexually healed and whole? I would venture to say that a gay Mormon could check off every item on that list.
Emotional and Spiritual SEXUAL ABUSE. The methods may be different, but the effects and fall out are frighteningly similar.
So, is there really a difference between Boyd K. Packer sexually crippling young gays from the pulpit and Uncle B. Pervy sexually crippling young children in the basement?
You tell me.
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Related Posts:
Battle Cries Of The Sexually Dysfunctional: Part I
Battle Cries Of The Sexually Dysfunctional: Part II
Free Love
7 comments:
And....don't forget their sick little word for masturbation..."self-abuse". That one makes me crazy!!!
Here's the critical difference. Virtually everyone acknowledges that the abuse in the basement scenario is wrong, while millions of LDS faithful look to President Packer as one of God's chosen prophets, seers and revelators. While some may be able to parse his words and question his inspiration, others will accept what he says as the will of their Creator. Which strikes you as the more serious transgression?
Then there are those of us who have endured both kinds of abuse. We've been raped by our older cousins in sunny upstairs bedrooms and in basement darkrooms, and we've been told by our spiritual leaders that we've made vile, sinful choices that God will or may eventually forgive and heal if we apply the Atonement to our lives and prove Him herewith.
I've tried to forgive both my cousin (who was also beaten by my uncle) and the church of which I am still a member. I'm still somewhat young. I'm only in my late fifties. Sometimes I no longer see myself as a victim, other times "the truth" prevails. Thanks for this opportunity to vent.
I think the effects of religiously validated teachings are probably just as bad, if not worse psychologically, than physical abuse.
Thank God there are increasing numbers of gay-affirmative organizations to help overcome such religious abuse, but to get past the effects of abuse, one must often denounce the entire religion and family issues are going to continue to be a recurring problem.
I have been pondering what you wrote for the last day now.It really made me stop and think about my teen years in the LDS church. I have stuggled with my self worth and self esteem for years! It is so hard to believe that God loves you when so many say that you are an abomination!! I asked to be excommunicated at 23.
I am now 57 and going to seminary to be a minister in the ELCA (Lutheran) church. Yet, reading your post made me question my worthiness--does it ever end?
Thank you God for your GRACE because that has made me worty to be your servent and Grace ALONE will bring me to you!
Excellent post. I have been circling in the same mental circles lately.
http://notveryusefultruths.blogspot.com/2011/01/poisoning-sexuality.html
Thanks for sharing
I suffered neither physical sexual abuse nor am homosexual, but I am most proud of my decision to leave the church because it means I will not have a hand in emotionally crippling my daughters with standards nights and Sunday School lessons. Thank goodness I grew up in time, even though I wasted 36 good years, first.
Not to diminish the evil perpetuated by the chuch against gay youth, but "unnatural, sinful, vile, perverse, against the laws of heaven" was also how materbation was presented and that effect pretty much all the young men. I grew up thinking I was a damned soul becuse I could't overcome this most henious of temptations. BPKs little factory talk lead to years of self hate. I was taought that it would lead down the road to homosexuality, which was only a step away from becoming a rapist and/or pedaphile. I can't imagine how it would have felt to know I was gay and be taught I was that much closer to eternal damnation for something I couldn't control.
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