Friday Video: Genital Visualizers

Captured Moment: Small Is Beautiful (aka: Happy Day After Thanksgiving)

Three Little Words

The other day I was at Cassie's house as she was leaving for work. She was walking out the door and called to me, "Bye Em, love you!" Without skipping a beat I called right back, "Bye, Honey. I love you, too!"

And then I stopped and just stood there, feeling how amazing that felt. Three little words. I Love You. Amazing to hear. Amazing to say. Like warm honey. Or Sunshine. Or Magic.

I was born with those words just kind of naturally dripping out of my mouth. My entire life, it seems, I have felt love so deeply it hurts. And if I love, I express it. Always have, always will. If I love someone, it just makes no freaking sense to keep it a secret. If someone is incredible and lovable why the hell would I NOT tell them?

I'm not talking about love of the romantic variety. Telling someone you love them THAT way must done in the right time and in the right way. I'm not talking about the I-don't-want-to-live-without-you-I-think-about-you-all-the-time-please-jump-my-bones-and-have-babies-with-me kind of love. I'm talking about the I-see-who-you-are-you-are-incredible-and-lovable-and-make-the-world-a-better-place-to-be kind of love.

I look around me and I see a world that is just so screwed up when it comes to love. We are so afraid of it. We misuse it. We use it as a weapon to hurt or manipulate. We withhold it - carefully measuring out only just enough. We only give it if we are certain to have it returned - or only give the exact amount we expect we will be given.

It stuns me how many friends I have that I love dearly, and I know they love me, but when I say, "I love you," they stutter and stammer and get flushed and skip right over it and change the subject. It makes me sad. Not because they don't say it back, I know they love me. I don't say it to manipulate them into saying it. I don't say it because I want me to hear it, I say it because I want them to hear it. I want them to know it. They deserve to know they are amazing and incredible and thoroughly lovable. We all do.

Here is my Thanksgiving challenge to you. If you are a person who has a hard time saying "I love you," SAY IT. This week is a week for being grateful. We all have people in our lives that we are grateful for. TELL THEM. If you are a person who has a hard time hearing "I Love You," GET THE HELL OVER IT. Seriously. Hear it, take it in and say it back. Don't question it, ignore it, gloss over it or dismiss it. Give it generously and receive it gratefully.

Love is delicious. Love is life giving. Love is not to be hoarded or stored up for some distant future. There is an endless supply with more than enough to go around. Love is everywhere - in ridiculous amounts. Love is to be felt and bathed in and celebrated. Pour it on, soak it up, drink it down, roll in it, sing it, breathe it, dream it, live it. It will change everything. I promise.

Happy Thanksgiving Internetland.

I Love You.

Friday Video: Clint McCance, You Are A Douche-Bag

Ma'am, Get In Line C To Fill Out The Forms For Your Medical Coochie Card

Did you know that Alabama has a ban on sex toys? Seriously? I heard this on the radio and had to look it up for myself. Yep it's true. Wow.

I giggled when I read the quote "...as the 11th Circuit pithily and somewhat coarsely stated: 'There is nothing `private' or `consensual' about the advertising and sale of a dildo.'" In my head this was said by a very puckered Gayle Ruzicka - who I am convinced is having a secret piggy love affair with Chris Buttars and is the woman I vote (tied with Sheri Dew ) most in need of a giant dildo.

For once I'm glad I live in Utah. A ban on sex toys would put a serious kink in my Holiday Fund Raising Activities.

Hats off to the woman who has thrown caution to the wind and opened Pleasures, a Drive Through Sex Toy Store. How awesome is that? Just like a bank. I'm thinking Utah needs a whole chain of these called "Zions Spank."

I do think it is absolutely hilarious that, in order to skirt the law, at Pleasures you cannot purchase a sex toy without first filling out a "medical questionnaire describing the health-related reasons for [your] purchase" because Alabama law also "makes an exception to the ban on the sale of items designed for the 'stimulation of human genital organs' if the sale was for 'a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose.'"

Okay, I'm sorry, what legislative or judicial purpose could there possibly be for the stimulation of human genital organs??? And law enforcement??? Ewwwww. That cannot possibly be legal.

Filling out a questionnaire as to the health related reason for purchasing a dildo.

I AM SO SURE.

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Related Links
Toys For Tarts
Playtime
Spiritually Screwed

Baby Step In The Right Direction

FYI: Updated LDS Handbook Softens Language on Gays.

Captured Moment: Oops - Our Bad

Emergency Clarification

It has been brought to my attention that it looks as though I'm pushing an MLM with this coffee. Holy shit. NO. Those things are as against my religion as CleanFlicks.

I am not, I repeat NOT trying to sell anyone anything remotely Multi-Leveled. God, the very thought...

The coffee kicks ass.

That is all.

Amen.

Want Some Love In Your Tummy?

Wow, many people wanting more information on both of the yummy things I wrote about yesterday...

The sexy miracle coffee is called Asantae Java. To be a bit more specific than brewed by elves in unicorn caves - Asantae beans (grade A Arabica, USDA organic, rain-forest certified) come from Honduras and contain six times more heart healthy poly-phenols than other brands of coffee. They take the poly-phenol antioxidants normally lost in the conventional roasting process and re-infuse them back into the coffee.

You have to order it online through a sexy distributor. Okay, I honestly have no idea how sexy any of the other distributors are. For all I know they could be trolls. But I do know one and, as previously mentioned, he is oh-so sexy.

CLICK HERE to go to Sexy Jehiah's Asantae web-page.

At the very top, click on PRODUCTS.

Left hand side, click START SHOPPING.

Click BUY AS A RETAIL CUSTOMER.

Scroll down to the coffee and choose the one you want to try. The one I drink is the Breakfast Blend. Supposedly has the highest anti-oxidants. Anyway, there you have it. Give it a try. Like I said, I cannot recommend it highly enough and, at this point, cannot imagine not having it in my body every freaking day for the rest of my life.

As for Sexy Jehiah... He is a very talented musician / saxophone player. You can check out his music HERE. Yes, ladies, he is single. Sorry guys, he's straight. And that's pretty much all you're getting out of me.

The only person I am willing to officially pimp out on this blog is my mother.

Making Sweet Sweet Coffee Love

Okay, remember me bitching about how I can't drink coffee and being pissed that they ripped Postum from my cold, dead fingers?

I really didn't describe to you, in proper dramatic fashion (totally unlike me, huh?) what drinking actual coffee was like. If I had even a quarter cup of regular coffee, within ten minutes I started to vibrate - and NOT in the good way. It was a shaking in my chest that spread to my bones and then shot into my brain. I would then be in the throes of a mild panic attack that left me begging to unzip my skin and get the hell out of my body. This lasted for several hours until the self induced unnatural disaster had subsided. Decaf did the same thing. It was more mild but still unpleasant.

I felt so ripped off - like one of the many forbidden fruits of my previous religious life was still being withheld. Mature, I know. (Welcome to the emotional navigation of the Ex-Mo.) Plus, the taste & the smell of coffee - so yummy. Such a tease.

Then one day a few months ago...

[Cue: Trumpets and angelic choirs]

... I was having a conversation with my friend Sexy Jehiah (yes, that is his official name) about a coffee that he found that has, like, 6 times the anti-oxidants as regular coffee and is made from special beans that are only found in the caves of unicorns and are roasted by elves or something and that he had a friend that was just like me with coffee but that she can drink this one with no problem - blah, blah, blah...

I was feeling brave. He made me some and, behold, I did drink.

And... OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN I CAN DRINK COFFEE!!!

Not only that but I cannot tell you how amazing I feel all day long. The energy I have, even throughout the usual afternoon crash, and the clarity in my head are unbelievable. There is such a marked difference in how I feel - physically, mentally and emotionally - that if this coffee disappeared we would have a serious problem.

Remember how it feels to have a new crush? That moment you wake up in the morning and have the first thoughts of your beloved skip across your brain and you get all twitterpated and giggly remembering that they exist? THAT is exactly how I feel about this coffee when my alarm goes off at the crack of dawn. It is, without question, my new favorite thing.

So, a big public Thank You to the Gods of anti-oxidant miracle coffee and an even bigger Thank You to Sexy Jehiah for bringing me the sweet nectar that has made my world oh-so much better.

See, I told you he was sexy. And is, no doubt, as yummy as the coffee he gifted me with. I wonder if they make french presses big enough to fit grown men in. Probably not. Dammit.

Could you imagine? How awesome would it be to start the day with a cup of Johnny Depp? Talk about getting me through the winter...

A Mouthwateringlygasmic Good Cause

Once Upon A Time there was a woman who loved chocolate. She loved it totally, completely and ridiculously. She had no favorite brand or recipe or type for she was an equal opportunity lover of all things creamy and dark. Choosing one over the other would be unthinkable. Like Sophie. Painful and pointless. She adored it all. She craved it all - in every milky, dark, semi-sweet, international, domestic, creamy, crunchy, infused, drinkable, lick-able, yummygasmic variety...

[Note: it just dawned on said woman that, to be completely honest, there is one kind of chocolate that needs to be voted off the island NOW - that tasteless, waxy, stick to your teeth, coat your mouth like an old crayon, anal suppository wrapped in holiday foil they sell at the Dollar Store. Giving me that shit is like promising me Taye Diggs and showing up with a pale, toothless, mullet-sporting carny you found working an Appalachian Tilt-o-Whirl. Don't bother. I beg of you.]

I have been a chocolate lover my whole life with an admitted soft spot for Kit Kats - even better, Kit Kat Bites - and Cadbury Flakes. But, I think I have, at long last, actually found my favorite chocolate concoction. The Sweet Bricks Oreo Cookies & Creme Toffee. This stuff should be illegal - like, one should need a medical card to gain access to it. But, thank God it is available to the chocolate loving public at large.

CHECK THEM OUT. As you you heading into the holiday season and are looking for the perfect treat to put in bowls at parties and to give in bags to family, friends, neighbors, teachers, employees... Seriously - this stuff is to die for.

PLUS you are supporting a family in need. It was started by a woman named Jamie who developed MS during a pregnancy 20 years ago. The illness was managed pretty well until a couple of years ago and she is now chair bound. At the same time she started to go downhill, her husband was diagnosed with malignant melanoma that rapidly metastasized into his lungs and lymph nodes. He underwent several rounds of Interleukin (a brutal therapy I am, unfortunately, intimately acquainted with) to no avail. Miraculously, after being declared "inoperable," several of his tumors have actually vanished but others continue to regularly pop up.

During all this, Jamie continued to make several batches of her annual Christmas toffee as gifts for friends and family. Neither she nor her husband could work and with their astronomical medical bills it was all they could afford. And it was a long standing tradition that she stoically refused to give up. Several friends started encouraging her to sell it for profit and Sweet Bricks was born. The company is now being run by their children and select family members - with proceeds going to cover the medical expenses of Jamie and her husband.

This is a Holiday No Brainer. You get to taste the yummiest toffee you have ever had, or will ever have, the blessed good fortune of tasting while helping a family in need. Again, check out their OFFICIAL WEBSITE and Facebook Page, order as much as is humanly possible, taste it for yourself, scream the first name that comes into your mind (preferably mine) while holding onto the nearest piece of furniture and then spread the word.

I promise you will be Happygasmicly thrilled you did.

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Related Posts
Dip Me In Chocolate And Call Me Dessert

I Couldn't Have Said It Better - Which Is Probably Why I Didn't

I recently came across this blog post by Laura Compton on the Mormons For Marriage website. I thought it was incredibly lovely and deserved sharing. Like warm pie. Enjoy.

Why Would God Allow His Children To Be Born Homosexual?

This question was posed at General Conference Sunday morning: “Why would God allow his children to be born homosexual?”

Why would God allow his children to be born poor? or right-handed? or green-eyed? or Mormon? or Jewish? or Muslim? or rich?

Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe, just maybe, God loves us, no matter how, where or when we are born.

Maybe, possibly, the only reason we think being born gay is a problem is because we “see through a glass darkly” and don’t understand the mind and will of God.

Maybe what matters more than what we are when we are born is what we are after we’ve lived our lives. Have we tried to know and understand those who are unlike ourselves? Have we fed and clothed the hungry and naked? Have we cast out the beams from our own eyes and repented of our misdeeds and shortcomings? Have we visited the lonely? Have we spoken up for those who cannot speak?

We all begin life innocently. We fill our lives with meaning and leave legacies. What will your legacy be? How will your friends and family remember you? Will they remember you first for being homosexual or for being kind? For being heterosexual or for being sincere? For being bisexual or for being considerate? For being formerly gay or for being thoughtful?

Why would God allow his children to be born homosexual? Because God loves all his children, none is better – or worse – than another.

“And God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good.”

Sharing The Love

(Photo by brother and friend of my Juiceman. Bless them!)

Talk Dirty To Me

I just got done reading a book on my new Kindle (have a mentioned how in love with it I am?) by my dear friend JulieAnn. Yes, I did initially get it, and read it, in support of my friend (it helped that I already knew her to be a talented writer) but, I thoroughly enjoyed it because it is just a damn good book.

Official Synopsis:

Chelsea Sarkozy is a 40-year old misanthropic prude with a penchant for snark. Mean snark. Her prudish nature has her believing that everything is a "gateway" to something disgusting. As Chelsea puts it, "There are places faces should never go."

Her husband abandons her for a younger man named Hank, an insult to injury since Hank's thighs are bigger than hers. Chelsea is left homeless, job-less and option-less. When her estranged (and strange) mother dies, she leaves Chelsea a large inheritance with one condition: she must take over her sexual advice blog and porn production --er, instructional video company. Broke and out of choices, Chelsea has no alternative but to hold her nose, clench her eyes shut and take the businesses head on. So to speak.

The blog is called "Mom's 'Vice," and although Chelsea reluctantly agrees to tackle it, she soon realizes she's out of her depth. She needs help. Chelsea turns to an aging "entertainer" and self-proclaimed mystic, an enigmatic journalist with a penchant for drama and latex, and Wanker, a handsome, mild-mannered deviant who is also her unfortunate tenant.

Just as things can't get any better, Chelsea discovers that a drunken good-bye fling with her ex has left her pregnant.

Despite the fact her life resembles a bad country song, Chelsea dives into the colorful world of sexual fetishism and freedom, but soon she begins to receive strange notes from an anonymous stalker. Convinced it's Wanker's attempt to scare her into abandoning the lucrative business, she re-doubles her efforts to keep the production company going. With the help of her odd posse, she travels down the dark, quirky, and out-right unusual path of hilarious sexual eccentricities through her research, research that begins to slowly but surely open her puritanical mind.

As Chelsea takes the unwilling jaunt into the sexual healing of others, she's forced to face her own psyche (peeking through her fingers) and learns how to accept and even embrace the people who turn to her for advice and understanding. Much to her surprise, Chelsea discovers that life may just exist below her own belt after all as she watches her burgeoning belly grow, her mind opening, and the relentless encroachment of her long-lost libido. Hey, there may even be room for a little latex.

I give it many stars. If you're looking for a good, entertaining, laugh out loud, hilariously naughty read - check out TDTM by
JA Carter-Winward.