Friday Video: Sam Harris - My Reclamation

Pay It Forward Day

Check this out - New York State Senator Mike Nozzolio is introducing special legislation to introduce an official statewide "Pay It Forward Day." The article mentions my book. How totally cool is that? My dream is to have this program in every school in every state - making the world better one class, one kid, at a time.

The Language of God

Official "8 The Mormon Proposition" Trailer

8:TMP is set to release in select theaters nationwide early this summer. Dates and theaters forthcoming...

Watch trailer here.

A Qwest For Better Service

Hot damn! My Internet is back on! I vow to post more regularly - and promptly lose Internet connection for a week. All I wanted to do was cancel my home phone, in order to get my daughter a much needed cell phone, and keep the Internet. One would think that this simple request wouldn't cause the earth to stop turning...

I spent an average of an hour a day, burning through my cell minutes, with every tech / customer service person available. Each one found a new problem - pinpointing the mistake made by the tech o' the previous day - promising me service within 24 hours. Nope. It's amazing how much we rely on the Internet for, like, everything. When it's gone life really does shut down - especially for one who works online for a living. Big, fat "Argh!" [To be said, loudly, with one's best pirate impression.] Now I'm off to clean houses - one of my many oh-so-glamorous side jobs.

Don't hate me 'cause I'm rich and famous...

Sugar Pie Honey Bunch

Okay, so on Saturdays I teach acting classes for teens and kids at the McCarty Talent Agency here in town. (Way better than last time - when I was a human potty at a far lesser agency.) This last weekend started a new 8 week session and this particular class was for the kids and their parents - basically a run down on the ins and outs of the agency and the professional acting business. As they were filing out, one of the moms turned to me and said, "I love your blog. My only complaint is that you don't post enough."

I guess I have officially arrived. I’ve met a stranger who reads my blog AND I’ve gotten hate mail. Totally cool.

Mom at class, and anyone else who cares, I apologize for not posting enough for the past while. I need three assistants to help me run my life with all I have going on - one of them could certainly blog regularly. But, alas, there is only me. I vow to do better.

And so, just for you acting-class-Mom-who-reads-my-blog, for no reason whatsoever, a totally random post about… pie.

Ah, pie. I love pie. On my Facebook profile it says: Full Time Single Mom, Maker of Books and Films and Happy Things, Die Hard Smart-Ass, Likes pie. This has led to several men that I don’t know sending me the same message: “So, what kind of pie do you like?” Roughly translated this actually means: “So, what do you look like naked?” Online flirting? Not interested.

But I do like pie. A lot. One would think that my favorite would be chocolate but chocolate cream pie is just a big fat tease. Unless it is made of fudge and Oreos I prefer fruit pies. The tangier the better. I just Googled “types of pie” and the first one my eyes landed on was Steak and Liver Pie. Mental note: never eat a pie made in England.

As a teenager I always wanted to go to a movie with a whole pie and a fork and just chow down. This I vow to do the very next time a movie is released with Johnny Depp not looking like a gay clown, The Rock not in a tutu, or Gerard Butler not with that woman he knocked up that isn’t me.

How can you not love pie? You can have your finger in too many of them, they are in the sky and they are humble. You can be nice as, easy as and sweet as – what would I call my daughter if not Sweetie Pie?

Best of all, if anyone tells me again to be as American as apple pie I have a valid reason to kick them in the shin and yell, “Shut your pie hole!” (which, by the way, tops the awesome response list - right alongside, “Shut up, dill hole!”)

I leave you with a poem:

But I, when I undress me
Each night, upon my knees
Will ask the Lord to bless me
With apple-pie and cheese.

In the name of Marie Calendar. Amen.

Friday Video: The Ross Sisters - Solid Potato Salad (1944)

No wonder I'm still single... I can't do ANY of those things!

All Things Man

The moment I heard the words "Man Expo" it began calling my name.

So, I took my little self down to the Southtowne Expo Center and had a look-see. I walked in and felt the testosterone wash over me. Not kidding, I just stood there and breathed it in. They were everywhere. Straight men. Cleaning guns, duct taping things, playing basketball and video games and selling man stuff. There was a wrecked car they could take turns beating with a metal bat, one of those American Gladiator suspended logs that you knock one another off of with those giant Q-tips, a water ski jump demonstration the length of the room and a mechanical bull. Everything smelled like sweat, leather, competition and capability. I loved every second of it.

How is that for restoring balance? I am one step closer to finding the man who can build the freakin' bed he'll throw me down on.

In the name of Clint Eastwood, Amen.

Sorry About Your Tiny Penis

How Fairy Tales Really End

For those of you that have not seen this...

All I can say is, "Bah-hahahahah!" and a hearty, slightly-bitter-but-still-workin-on-it, "Amen!"

Cinderella

Snow White

Little Red Riding Hood

Sleeping Beauty

Jasmine

Belle

The Little Mermaid

Friday Video: My Big, Fat Talking Head

Sssssssoooooo Not Relaxing

"Some people like the feel of non-poisonous reptiles slithering across their bodies in spa-like settings, with larger, heavier snakes providing a deeper kneading as they crawl across flesh." (Quoted from some lame article I read. )

Okay, I am sorry... I have entered one of the busiest periods of my life. I am working 3+ jobs while working to sell two books, while raising funds for the feature "Facing East," while working full time on a new show I am producing that I am over the moon excited about (set to hit this fall - details forthcoming this summer.) Oh yeah... single Mom, keeping the house running duties. Blogging? What's blogging? Dating? I dimly remember that. That has been seriously put on a back burner due to (A) Dating Burn Out and (B) the aforementioned list of projects. I need to recharge my batteries (literally ;-) before dating again.

I am stressed - but kind of in a good way. Busy - but happy-ish. I gotta tell you though, I do fantasize, almost daily, about getting massages. Lying face down on a table in that dark room, dim lighting, soft music. Said massage is, of course, administered by Gerard Butler and/or Taye Diggs and it goes on and on, deeper and deeper, for hours on end. (I really am talking about a massage. Although...)

No Where in this fantasy are there snakes slithering on my face and body. I can think of few things worse than that. Seriously, I'd rather have that other kind of massage while hillbillies suck my toes and Snuggles the Demon Fabric Softener Bear gives me all 857 Mormon Missionary Discussions.

A snake massage. Not a chance in hell.



* * *
Related Links:
Ssssssweet Dreams

And I Will Always Love His Hair Cut

Please tell me you saw this on MSN...

My Tongue Is Bleeding...

PEEP Show

Happy Easter Internetland! Enjoy...

Friday Video: OK Go - This Too Shall Pass

Crap! Is is Friday already??? Okay, I get a big, fat F in blogging this week. But I do get a ginormous A+ in being-busier-than-I-have-ever-been-in-my-life. But, I'll not be a bitchin' to y'all right now...

Isn't this the coolest thing, ever? Feels like what I am building in the warehouse of my insides. Anyone relate?

Happy weekending.