Okay, remember me bitching about how I can't drink coffee and being pissed that they ripped Postum from my cold, dead fingers?
I really didn't describe to you, in proper dramatic fashion (totally unlike me, huh?) what drinking actual coffee was like. If I had even a quarter cup of regular coffee, within ten minutes I started to vibrate - and NOT in the good way. It was a shaking in my chest that spread to my bones and then shot into my brain. I would then be in the throes of a mild panic attack that left me begging to unzip my skin and get the hell out of my body. This lasted for several hours until the self induced unnatural disaster had subsided. Decaf did the same thing. It was more mild but still unpleasant.
I felt so ripped off - like one of the many forbidden fruits of my previous religious life was still being withheld. Mature, I know. (Welcome to the emotional navigation of the Ex-Mo.) Plus, the taste & the smell of coffee - so yummy. Such a tease.
Then one day a few months ago...
[Cue: Trumpets and angelic choirs]
... I was having a conversation with my friend Sexy Jehiah (yes, that is his official name) about a coffee that he found that has, like, 6 times the anti-oxidants as regular coffee and is made from special beans that are only found in the caves of unicorns and are roasted by elves or something and that he had a friend that was just like me with coffee but that she can drink this one with no problem - blah, blah, blah...
I was feeling brave. He made me some and, behold, I did drink.
And... OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN I CAN DRINK COFFEE!!!
Not only that but I cannot tell you how amazing I feel all day long. The energy I have, even throughout the usual afternoon crash, and the clarity in my head are unbelievable. There is such a marked difference in how I feel - physically, mentally and emotionally - that if this coffee disappeared we would have a serious problem.
Remember how it feels to have a new crush? That moment you wake up in the morning and have the first thoughts of your beloved skip across your brain and you get all twitterpated and giggly remembering that they exist? THAT is exactly how I feel about this coffee when my alarm goes off at the crack of dawn. It is, without question, my new favorite thing.
So, a big public Thank You to the Gods of anti-oxidant miracle coffee and an even bigger Thank You to Sexy Jehiah for bringing me the sweet nectar that has made my world oh-so much better.
See, I told you he was sexy. And is, no doubt, as yummy as the coffee he gifted me with. I wonder if they make french presses big enough to fit grown men in. Probably not. Dammit.Could you imagine? How awesome would it be to start the day with a cup of Johnny Depp? Talk about getting me through the winter...
11 comments:
... But you're not going to tell us the name of this magical coffee, or where to find it?
I Googled "coffee beans unicorns elves" and didn't find anything.
(Thankfully, I'm not negatively affected by "normal" coffee... A 4-shot latte barely gives me enough of a jolt to slog through the day on 6 hours of sleep)
Yeah, Pearson. Spill the coffee beans. You have me curious.
no "too" weird Johnny Depp for me, thank you. dang - why can't he be gay and Ricky Martin not? oh well, another one of life's injustices.
but just cough it up already with that heart steamin' coffee.
question - if one CAN tolerate regular coffee, does this mean one CAN'T tolerate this one? hmmmmm....just hurry up so i can find out!
CC - if you make one more blasphemous comment about Johnny Depp being gay I will forever withhold, not only coffee information, but all future wonderful things from you.
You can have Ricky Martin - but you gotta give me Johnny Depp. He is a vital member of my harem.
Forget the coffee. How do I get me some of that Sexy Jehiah?
EP-
Jehiah is sexy as hell. And I'm dying to find out what this amazing elixir is....PLEASE SHARE!
C'mon Em-what is the name of this magic stuff?
I know... but I am not telling:))))) Unicorns Elves try fairies:)
Even though I've been doing the exmo thang for about seven years now, I simply can't wrap my mind around coffee. To me, it tastes just plain bitter and nasty.
I like it with ice and chocolate, but for the calories I'd just rather have a candybar.
Sometimes I think I'm the only exmo out there who can't tolerate coffee or beer.
Finally, after 4 years of exmodum, I had to try a Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade just so I could feel normal.
You're right. The psychology is interesting.
I'm learning to like white wine and I can tolerate a Costco frozen coffee. But I don't think I'll ever crave it.
You'll have to pry that 44 oz. Diet Coke out of my cold dead hand though.
Coffee is definitely healthier. I should have acquired a taste for it when I was younger.
umm...i actually noted that Johnny Depp is NOT gay. if he is, then i missed the memo. anyway, my point was that i'm heartbroken that Ricky Martin IS gay and that Johnny Depp (no heartthrob for me) ISN'T. capeche?
but yes, you can keep (too weird) Johnny Depp. after all, it's your harem. and remember, i'm old school so, "too weird" shouldn't be given any credence by young un's like you.
Yes - I noted that you did not say that Johnny Depp is gay but you wished it. I like weird. Guys that are funky, artistic and a little left of "norm" totally float my boat.
All I was sayin' was that my life very much needs the balance that my carefully selected collection of straight men gives it. Johnny Depp and gay in the same sentence upsets that balance.
One girl's harem...
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