Yesterday was General Conference for the LDS church. Yesterday Elder Boyd K. Packer got up and spewed out the same old, out dated, ignorant and hateful vomit that he and countless others have been poisoning all-who-will-listen with for decades upon decades.
And we are eating it up.
We are ranting and raving on Facebook and blogs and emails. We are outraged. We are crying for change. Seriously? Change? This is BOYD K. PACKER we’re talking about. Guys, the man ain’t gonna change. EVER. We’ll see giant nipples on Mt Rushmore before we see a change in Packer’s attitude about anything – let alone homosexuality. Why are we even surprised? It’s not like this is his first time at a pulpit. We knew there would be some kind of fall out from Marlon Jensen having the audacity to actually state publicly that he was sorry for the pain caused to gays and their families by Prop 8. I can only imagine what was said to him behind closed doors by Packer and Monson. Of course something had to be done and Packer was just the man to do it.
Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting different results? Conference comes twice a year – like clockwork. The same men get up and say the same things. Why the hell are we surprised? Why do we keep expecting them to change? They are not going to – we are the crazy ones for expecting them to.
We want change? Well then what the hell are we going to DO about it? May I make a few suggestions?
(1) Stop being surprised at anything said by the leaders of the Mormon Church. And stop eating up what they say – even if it’s to rant and rave. Remember that cute little story I posted a while ago about the woman in an eating disorders clinic that kept throwing up, baking and re-eating her own vomit? Do I really need to say more? Stop eating The Brethren’s old vomit. It doesn’t taste good.
(2) Stop being victims. Stop begging for their approval. Stop thinking that their validation is needed for ANYTHING. It’s not. For those of us that truly believe that they are just some old men doing their jobs, and not very well, stop hanging on any word they say at all. If you start to feel the old fear and intimidation creep in, wave your magic wand and repeat after me: “You have no power here. Be gone – before someone drops a house on you!” And then smack them in the head with your ruby slippers.
(3) Walk away. For God’s sake, if you are among those that no longer believe I beg of you have your name removed from the records of the church. It will have more of an impact on your mental and emotional health than you know. And it sends a much needed message. Once you have walked away, don’t look back. Go. Be free. Live a happy life in the sunshine.
(4) If your soul feels called to make a difference for the gay kids still being harmed by the church they are trapped in then do so from a place of strength and power. Reach out. Be a role model. Give them enough love to carry them to a place where they can one day choose healing and not death. You want to speak out? Great. Be noisy for the kids. But, again, do it from a place of authority and power NOT smallness and neediness.
(5) If you are gay, COME OUT, COME OUT, COME OUT!!! Stop hiding. Your presence in this world as a wonderful gay person is part of the solution.
Guys, it’s just plain old time to be bigger than they are. Their fear and ignorance are getting in the way of them being the love that the Jesus they believe in taught them to be. Be bigger. Be better. Be happier. Be the change you want to see in the world. Laugh more. Love more.
And, above all else – stop eating the vomit. I beg of you.
22 comments:
fabulous. I love you. keep writing. xoxox
fabulous. I love you. Keep writing. xoxox
I hate eating vomit.
Amen! I've been feeling the exact same way. Of course it hurts to hear an old bigot say things like that, but can we honestly expect anything else?
Emily, I agree 100% with everything you just said. Thank you for speaking up.
Well stated Emily! I cannot allow them to make me feel guilty or even make my family feel guitly because I have chosen a path outside of their dogmatic hatred for all that will not conform.
Thanks for speaking out!
I am new to your blog and love you already!!! Thank you, Emily, for putting compassionate words together and giving voice to what many of us feel but struggle to find the words.
This is great advice for people like me who have already extracated themselves from Mormonism. I appreciate the reminder.
However, people like Boyd K Packer excite violence in bullies and provoke the impressionable to do unfathomable harm to themselves in times of weakness. My concern is for them.
Persons of faith who do evil in the name of God have truly broken the commandment to take His name in vain.
Yay!
You are amazing Em - thanks for the reminder of where my focus should be!
#3 sound great but some of us are "stuck" for whatever reason (marriage, kids, etc) so do the best we can to work inside to be there for those who look like they need an understanding ear.
As for BKP it is like sticking a pin in your eyeball over and over and being surprised it still hurts
For the very first time, I actually somewhat agreed with whay you wrote today. If you don't believe, walk away. You are correct. They will not change their stance. Nor should they. I suppose today, that I only hate you a little bit......
I love how you write and your totally right! Its like trying to convince your grandma of something she thinks is wrong its never going to happen and you can just give up now. I think instead of protesting you should reach out and talk to the people you know this will hurt.
Thanks Emily--I was at first outraged and then I came over to what you have just stated. Odd thing is is I was supposed to be in that session of GC. My daughter is TBM and she supposedly had tickets. She asked me to go (crying) as there was nobody she wanted to go with (no, she wasn't try to coerce me). She didn't pick up the tickets soon enough and they gave them to someone else.
BKP isn't worth any of our energy. Our energy has to be focused where you have stated. I've been waiting to see what you had to say.
cl2
Oh Thank you Thank you Thank you for such an incredible, smart, touching blog post. I love it and I am taking a stand.
here here emily pearson!!!
I like to say: be your own prophet, cut out the middleman, go directly to The Source!
and by all means take your name off the records!
emily, i hate that you had to write this post, but i'm happy you did. and you wrote it the way you did. i've missed your passionate writing.
I'm on the verge of losing my cool. Reading your blog isn't "helping" (I say that sarcastically). I can't stay quiet about my feelings on this subject any longer. I'm going to be brave and have faith that things will work out for the best. Thanks for your courage.
#3 strikes me at the heart. I've been sticking around for my wife and family, but suffering myself.
I said elsewhere that I should write BKP a letter and say, "Either you need to die or I need to leave the church because we can't both belong here."
But, the reality is that when Boyd dies in the next few months, someone else will take up the banner against gay rights.
I've drafted my resignation over and over, but I have to admit; you are right. I need to get out.
P.S. I loved your mom's Mormon Stories interview with John Dehlin. She's a treasure. (And so are you.)
Be BIG! Yes indeed, we ought to be BIG to their smallmindedness, GENEROUS against their pettiness, and HELPFUL to their hurt.
Thank you for this wonderful message (and great blog).
[Sorry if this is duplicate the first time I hit "PUBLISH YOUR COMMENT" nothing happened]
I see my mom ( Val) hasn't posted yet here...so I will...I am intrigued by your secret project, and can I get a hand-clap for this post? Boyd K. is not bringing comfort and peace to our home. I do take comfort knowing that a lot of Mormons are, however. And I am happy to see so many Mormons are upset over this talk. It's starting to seep into their hearts, maybe?
Yuck-spit it out!
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