I just received the following email: Emily... I ran into a friend the other day who asked me about the gorgeous blonde friend I have on FB. No surprise that she was talking about you, but the funny part happened when she said, "That is the most beautiful drag queen I have ever seen."
What. The. Fuck???
Look to the left and scroll down a bit. That is the picture on my Facebook Profile. Raise your hand if you think it looks like a man. (Note: if you are the "Dick" that keeps leaving comments about how much you really don't like / hate me, don't bother. Your vote will not be counted.)
When I first read this I threw my head back and laughed out loud. Then I stopped and thought, "Hold on... I look like a man???" Ten seconds of wanting to cry, shoot Tequila intravenously and eat an entire pie with a fork led me to this thought...
There are three types of Drag Queens. (1) The ones that make you stop, stare, clutch your chest and mutter, "Bless her heart." (2) Those that make you gleefully jump up and down and hit the dance floor, arms outstretched, screaming along to "It's Raining Men." (3) And those that make you throw up your hands and cancel your gym membership because you know you can never compete with a MAN that looks that fucking amazing so why even try.
Clearly the woman who made the comment to my friend has seen her fair share of Drag Queens and dubbed me the most beautiful of them all. I am officially a Category 3 Drag Queen - which is WAY better than just being a 41 year old woman who is looking more and more like a man with every passing day.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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12 comments:
Dear Lord Emily. This has gone far enough. You have got to retire the baton. Is there some sort of straight man testosterone festival we can send you to? I'm trying to think of a place where lots of available straight men are gathered together and the only thing that comes to mind is a prison. Hmmm, I'll keep working on that...
Not to discount your theory because I would also vote you the best looking drag queen I've ever seen (if you were a drag queen), but I think she must have read something you wrote on FB and misinterpreted.
If your profile pic looks manly, then it's probably time I came out of the closet!
My very 'heterosexual' vote is a definite no... And I'll join you in a hearty WTF!
As the most hetero guy I know- as straight as they come- I like to consider myself an expert on what straight males universally see as "hot" when it comes to women. If there were an International Council on Female Hottness, I would be voted Chairman. Indeed, if such a council existed, the members and myself would look at your photos and quickly determine unanimously that you are EXTREMELY hot.
The Russian judge may only give you a 9.5, but the rest of the testosterone-rich men would rank you a perfect 10... afterwhich, they would all adjourn to their chambers and masturbate immediately. Several times.
Trust me when I say, Emily, you are as stunningly sexy, beautiful and feminine as they come.
I LOVE your photo on this blog.
Pardon me while I adjourn.
Well, you do attract the sexual interest of gay men, and you are undeniably fabulous. It's possible that you are an honorary homo.
(The drag queens I know would sell their souls to look like you.)
I'm with Jonathan. That just makes no sense.
As someone who has seen more than his fair share of drag queens lately, I must totally concur that you would definitely fit in category #3. You are amazing!
I actually think the picture is kind of hot.....
I actually think you are kind of hot....
Emily,
I cannot believe this post. Talk about your synchronicity! Today I got a double cheese-burger mini meal at the Mickey D.'s in Pleasant Hill and as I left the drive-thru, I said to myself, "I think I have just been waited on by a tall Latino transsexual." In Pleasant Hill! At MacDonalds. And then later at a meeting with a friend she told me what fun she had watching the "Bachelor" with me and my daughter, Becca, and she thought it was so funny that Becca thought Vienna had a "man face". And now you, the third transsexual reference in 3 hour window. What does it all mean? Seriously, though, you do not have, nor are you even close to having, a man face.
I don't know. I've met you a couple times and you're all MILF. :)
You definitely are a MILF, and I'm not even into girls, but for you, I might just make a temporary switch. GO EMILY!!!
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