Building Bridges

Many of you saw This Great Article in the Salt Lake Tribune about the LDS stake in Northern California that had Gay Day (my term, not theirs - although, how great would that be?) Guess who's stake that is? Yep, Carol Lynn Pearson (my mom), no big surprise, was one of the enlightened ones behind this event. I knew that they had done this quite a while ago but was sworn to secrecy lest the Big Brother ax begin a fallin' (again, my term not theirs.) Now the Trib knows. Now everyone knows. Now I can blog.

If you didn't read the article - please do so. What they did was amazing and something I hope daring stakes and wards will do all over the country. During the Q & A's at each of our 6 Sundance screenings there were several faithful Latter Day Saints that bravely stood and said variations of the same thing - "I am a believing Mormon, I support the brethren and I support gay rights. What can I do to help all this change?" I, personally, think that it is time for the members who feel that way to get really vocal, really scrappy and really courageous in showing their leaders the kind of loving and Christlike church they want theirs to be. (I know, it doesn't work that way - but it absolutely should)

NO ONE can tell me the LDS church isn't capable of love and compassion - I was a Mormon for 30-ish years and I saw loads of it. Besides no longer believing, I was unwilling to wait around for it to change as much as my own survival needed it to but I am thrilled that there are those like my mother that stick with it and fight the fight. It is imperative to remember that this is NOT about forcing the Mormon Church to marry gays in the temples. That ain't gonna happen. It's about (a) making the LDS church a safe place for gay members and their families - ie: a place that doesn't continue making countless individuals want to blow their brains out and (b) getting ALL churches to stay the hell out of politics.

I asked Mom to share some of the more personal stories and reactions from the
event(s):

From our dear friend, Trevor Southey: “I’m blown away. I can’t believe I heard the things I heard here this morning. If I’d heard this as a young man it would have changed my life, that homosexuality is not a choice, that gay people, no matter their choices, are to be treated with respect and love.”

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From Mom's diary the Sunday after the presentation in her ward: As the men in high priests’ meeting discussed the presentation, one of our very conservative members said, “Brethren, I need to apologize to everyone in this room for some of the things I’ve said in the past. Last week I went home from church feeling sort of troubled. I had to do some studying, and I had to do some praying, and I found out that I’d been wrong on some things. And so today I am apologizing to you for things that I have said in this room. I am sorry.”

(I grew up in that ward and I know the man she wrote this about. He is the last person on the planet I would ever have thought would say anything remotely like that. Trust me - a miracle of miracles!)

* * *

Again, from Mom: There had been some language in the presentation about “bearing each other’s burdens” and the extraordinary burden that is placed on homosexual people. Brett Bradshaw said to me afterwards, “What they have to understand is that to me being gay is no more a burden than being six feet tall is a burden.” Brett is the son of Bill Bradshaw, BYU professor, who is with his husband raising a beautiful daughter.

* * *

Connell, another dear friend of ours, gay and Ex-Mo LDS historian, came on the second Sunday and said, “This is miraculous!” In a letter to Mom, Connell said: “For daring to do right, I honor the Oakland Stake Presidency for their courage, hope, strength, compassion, love, respect, integrity, and openness. May this program spread throughout the church, to aid members in being more loving, more compassionate, and less judgmental of LGBT folks….These were indeed miraculous events with far-ranging power to affect a mighty change in the hearts of many - spreading LOVE, which should be the primary aim and action of every religion and spiritual path....”

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Mom: Last week I spoke to a young woman in my ward who told me a very moving story about the presentations. I asked if she would write it up and send it to me. She decided instead to put it on her blog BarnacleButt.

Excerpts:

When we got home from church I was making dinner with Maddie and Katie, my two teenage daughters, and I started telling them about what a great lesson we'd had in church. We were all chop, chop, chopping and I was talk, talk, talking and I was super surprised when I looked over at Maddie and she was crying.

"Hey!" I said. "What's wrong?"

And that's when she told me how completely relieved she was to hear this message at church, albeit second hand, since I was telling her what I'd heard.

Really?

I totally thought Marc and I had been giving our kids this message their whole lives. We are all about the love here at our house, right? We've told them to love and accept their gay friends. We've loved the gay people in our lives, and, you know, been part of their lives and they're part of ours. I thought our kids were pretty clear on the main-Jesus-message "love everyone."

I thought we'd explained that loving everyone doesn't mean you have to agree with them or think that everything they do is right, but it does mean you treat everyone with respect and kindness.

But it turns out my girls weren't sure. In fact, while she was crying, Maddie told me about spending a week at church camp and making friends with a young man there who was gay. Some of the other young men in her group confronted her and asked her why she was talking to him. "Why wouldn't I?" she asked confused. "Because he's gay," they said.

Ouch.

And by then Katie was crying too because she has had all too similar experiences.

I guess I'm really telling this story because of all the messy thoughts it brought up for me, like YIKES I really don't always know what my kids are going through. And how I hope The Church as a whole helps our youth understand homosexuality better. And how grateful I am for my Savior and his love.

* * *

Part of an email sent to Mom and to the stake presidency from the daughter of a member of the stake:

I felt teary-eyed reading the Tribune article and hearing the stories my mom shared with me of your experiences. I am so grateful to you for taking this courageous step to address a very difficult and painful issue for many LDS members. Those of us who are gay or have gay children (I have two gay sons) know that God made each of us perfect, and that includes our sexual orientation. We want the gay population of the LDS church to know they belong and are perfect, are respected, and that we all have our place in heaven. It is currently so difficult for gay Mormons to feel unashamed and loved. I chose to leave the church several years ago because I could not reconcile in my mind how I could raise my gay sons Mormon and also have them know that they are perfect in my eyes, in God's eyes, and do not need to change any part of who they are in order to be accepted. I did not want them to pretend to be people they aren't just so they could fit in. Upon reading the front page of the Salt Lake Tribune that was forwarded, I feel excited to think that this issue is being brought into the light and will no longer be swept under the carpet. We want our gay sons and daughters to lead happy, fulfilling lives, be who they are, be able to be sexual beings, and practice the religion of their beliefs. Thank you for being instrumental in helping our gay population.

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Part of a thank you email Mom sent to Peggy Fletcher Stack, who wrote the article:

I'm thrilled, but not at all surprised, that you are getting such huge response from all this. For years and years I have received letters and emails that break my heart. We are in such an important historical intersection. It is much larger than the challenge of blacks and the priesthood because it affects SO many and more deeply. I do not believe that one black man ever took his life because of being denied priesthood in our church. But hundreds of beautiful young LDS gay men have taken their lives because we have made them feel so hopeless and so worthless.

This is blessed work we are doing.

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And, lastly, from my mother: I am still stunned with the knowledge of what a Large Things Happened here. It will have ripples that will go a very long way.

So let it be written, so let it be done.