WWED?

Good Christian women everywhere seem to have found a new Savior. A sexy, teenage, fictional vampire named Edward Cullen. Oh my God, here in Utah Twilight schtuff is everywhere. The books, DVDs, posters, T-shirts, pins, jewelry, stickers, candy, magnets, candles, paper weights, panties, tampons... We had to sign in on a sheet at the kid's orthodontist yesterday and easily half the email addresses were a variation of edwardcullenlover4ever@fantasy.com.

I totally get the craze - we had idols when we were teenagers too. I dove into the books myself. They were a welcome vacation from stress - much needed brain candy. Sometimes it's fun to disappear into a series of books, or all the seasons of a television show, and not come up for air until they have thoroughly had their way with you. I get it. And the love affair between Bella and Edward really is sweetly written. Stephenie Meyer did a great job creating characters we love and love scenes that make women of all ages swoon - not an easy task, mind you. So, for those not brazen and naughty enough to read Anne Rice (let alone Anne Rice writing as A.N. Roquelaure) it wets the whistle without pushing the guilt button. Perfect. Plus, Meyer is a Mormon so that, again - in Utah, makes her a double diamond celebrity. Like unto Gladys Knight.

However, far too many grown women are getting far too carried away. A close friend of mine, a famous-ish local actress heretofore referred to as Madame Tequila Lovelyful, told me that the bishop in her sister in law's ward had to stand up in Relief Society and tell the sisters to stop reading the Twilight books because they were causing marital problems. Apparently a lot of women are now comparing their husbands to Edward and finding that their mortal, non-fictional spouses are coming up short in the Perfect Adoring Undead Adonis Department. Sorry to have to do this to ya Sister Daydream but um... EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT REAL!

Man, you guys are being compared to a fictional character that is written specifically to cater to the romantic depths of a woman's psyche. You're totally screwed. Here's my advice. Next time you are asked to take out the garbage ask yourself, "What would Edward do?" Next time you walk by a flower stand and debate if Tuesday is reason enough to buy, ask yourself, "What would Edward do?" Next time you wonder how to please your woman, how to touch her and fulfill her ask yourself, "What would Edward do?" And then, when you finally are mulling over whether or not to end your wife's mortal existence, ask yourself again, "What would Edward do?" Problem solved.

Hanky Panky

Okay, I am telling you right now THIS VIDEO is absolutely NOT for everyone. It is NOT for children. It is NOT for True Blue Folk. It is NOT for the somber of heart. It is NOT for those that are offended by, or uncomfortable with, nudity. If you have read this blog for any length of time, you know if you are as crazy strawed as I am. You know if we share the same sense of humor. If any part of you is frightened or nervous after reading this disclaimer, visit THIS SITE instead. Trust me. And do NOT say I didn't warn you.

But, oh my God! The execution of this trick coupled with the facial expressions and jazzy hand gestures made me laugh until my spleen shot out of my nose, ricocheted off my computer screen and hit me in the eye.

I totally know what I am going to do next time I crash the local ward talent show.

Bottled

Comment: "Can you be purchased in some sort of bottled product for my consumption?"

Ha-ha. Funny you should ask. I can, actually. Not purchased but made. Shaken not stirred. Blended.

Just take a quarter cup of weird and add a cup of spaz. Blend until frothy. Then add another half cup of imagination, a sprinkle of dreams and a dash of talent. Then, and here is where the recipe gets tricky, pour in a gallon of brain damage and fear, blend thoroughly, put in a dark and air tight pressure cooker until it reaches the consistency of petrified snail goop. Remove the cooker from the dark and throw it off a bridge. Scoop up the shattered contents - including the shredded straight jacket and broken spirit. Put in a crystal jar on a sunny window sill until it begins to bubble. Then add two gallons of love and a cup of silly. Sprinkle in magic baby glitter, mermaid kisses and a punching bag. Add one cup of Patron Tequila, a dozen Dove chocolate squares and return mixture to the blender. This part is crucial - the blender must be a state of the art Therapy brand blender. If you just throw it in a weekend Lifespring / Impact blender you will fuck up the whole thing. Once it is churning around the Therapy machine you can begin to throw in the rest of the ingredients: mockery; Blair Underwood; a puppy; California sand; 7 drag queens; the moon; a trapeze; courage; shiny lipstick; a wonder bra; George Carlin; a hammock; deep red; Beethoven: Symphony #9; mud wrestling; Sting; red wine; Romeo & Juliet; the words hoist, bamboozle and Sheboygan; The Beatles; film; the sound of bubble wrap popping; spiritual playfulness; Kahlil Gibran; a drum set; a dash of bitterness; a teaspoon of hope; vintage black and white photography, cherries, lilacs, sex, bagpipes and a guy named Oscar.

I do have to warn you though, the resulting creation will look a lot like Cirque du Soleil meets Sex in the City meets The Muppets and it is illegal in forty nine states.

You know, I think I fell short on one ingredient. I require a hell of a lot more than just a quarter cup of weird.

Vagina

Funny, I used to wonder what it would be like if my vagina were, actually, a clown car. Now I know. And am thrilled to have a Mini Coop for two. Thanks JulieAnn for the belly laugh of the day.

GYMNASTICS (REMI GAILLARD)

The final floor excercise is totally going to be me this Sunday at Temple Square. In this exact outfit. Wanna join me?

Utah - Happiest Place On Earth

Okay, so apparently Utah is the Happiest Place on Earth. Whatever.

Interesting article, I guess. Whatever.

Two things. First of all, I have to disagree that the lack of alcohol consumption here makes a difference in health and well being. There are MANY of us that do not experience this as the Happiest Place on Earth and a healthy relationship with alcohol is a flat out necessity for surviving Zion. And, secondly, they left out the most obvious #1 reason happy Utahans are so happy...

Porn. Duh.

The BS Winner - So Far

"When I was in my teens going on splits with the missionaries one of them told me that there is a room in the temple that has no door but that the prophet can go in."

Wow. That one is awesome! I had never heard that. Good thing too. When I was a Loony Bird I would have totally believed it and flogged myself for not having faith enough to manipulate my particles and walk through walls too. Sheesh.

Statistically Speaking

So, there is much conflicting data on the statistics I posted yesterday. I asked again, looked things up and they still conflict with those that left comments. I could keep digging but it turns out that I am in the top 1% of single moms in Utah that need to take a shower and write a business plan and get to a meeting, which means that I am in the bottom 1% of those that have time to care today.

I am, however, in the top 4% that is glad to hear that Utah may not be the fattest, or most unhealthy, and I'm also near the top of the list of those that don't really care if Utahans have a love affair with fry sauce or not. I am at the bottom of the list of Snelgrove's ice cream eaters - can't say I've ever had a single bite. I am among the 47% [not accurate number] that prefer Haagen-Dazs.

So, while I was, apparently, 73% [not accurate number] mistaken yesterday, I am still pretty sure that I am in the bottom 98% that have the time for the porn and gardening.

And I know for a fact that there are 100% more Utahans that eat green Jell-O and shredded carrots than me.

To Porn Or Not To Porn

So, by now you all probably know that our great state of Utah leads the country in the largest population of Internet porn surfers. The thought of all those righteous Mormons sneakin a peek makes me laugh out loud and, actually, doesn't surprise me at all. I've also been told that Utah has among the highest numbers of anti-depressant users, domestic violence, bankruptcy and suicide of young men between the ages of 15-24. Utah is supposedly third in the nation among female meth addicts. Awesome.

We are also up there in the overweight category - probably because we also, apparently, win in the most fry sauce, most tubs of Snelgrove's ice cream and, of course, most green jello with shredded carrot categories. Okay, I know that we joke about Mormons and green jello but the unbelievably lame fact that Utah really does eat giant amounts of the stuff makes me kinda glad for all the porn. Restores the balance somehow.

Of course Mormons are sneaking the porn! The Church's teachings about sex plop most of them in a freaking sexual pressure cooker. They are human and it is a forbidden fruit. It is there and it is pleasing to the eye and they are reminded every time they turn around not to think about it. We all know that if we are told not to think about something, or not to do something, over and over it becomes more and more the only thing we want to do or think about. No one is telling me not to look at porn and just the fifteen minutes I have spent, thus far, writing this post has made me totally want to hunker down with a carton of Snelgrove's and watch "A Marvelous Boob and a Bootie." The power of suggestion, Baby.

Big surprise - I am not in the camp of those that think porn is evil. I do think it can be addicting and problematic and cause warping and frighteningly unrealistic sexual expectations. But, to me, those aren't even the worse things about porn.

You want to know the real problem I have with porn? It totally sucks! The writing, acting, lighting, directing... Oh my God, the few times I have been around it I totally forgot that it was supposed to be arousing because I was too busy throwing my shoes and yelling at the screen. In one, a couple was on a blanket in a park and, I am not kidding, a fly landed on the guy's butt.

I had this conversation with a friend who assured me that other countries make beautiful, well lit porn. Okay, fine. Whatever. But, honestly, I don't even have time to watch any of the hundreds of real films I am dying to see. Privates of the Caribbean is just going to have to wait.

Maybe I'll check out the porn when I'm seventy. That's when I plan on having time to garden too. Until then I'll leave it to the good folks of Utah and their family values.

Did You Know?

This is incredible. And it makes me want to take the world's longest nap.

Either that or go back in time and live with Laura Ingalls in her Little House on the Prairie. Then I, too, could push Nellie Olsen down that hill in her wheelchair.

Dancing With Crazy Teaser

Okay, since I am sans HBO, I watched "Big Love" at my friends house just now. I expected to see it, hoot-n-holler and then come home and write a jaunty little post about what I saw and thought and what they did. I also expected to throw in some sensitivity to the TBMs because of how it must have felt to have something so sacred blah, blah, blah...

None of that's gonna happen today. I am furious and disturbed and, above all else, bugged beyond belief that Dancing With Crazy isn't out yet to help you all understand why I can, and do, rant and rave about the Mormon Church and polygamy as passionately as I rant and rave about the Mormon Church and homosexuality. I don't want to give away a big juicy chunk of my book so I will just say that once DWC is in stores, and you have all had the chance to read it, I will blog a big blog that will link back to this one to remind you of what was put on hold and you will say, "Ah yes, now we understand," and "Holy shit, Pearson!"

For now I will take deep breaths, scream into my pillow for a while and return to my porn post in progress.

Oh yeah, and scramble like mad to get my hands on every previous and brilliant Big Lovin' episode.

The OTHER Fruit

Jesus Rebuked The Fig As An Evil Abomination

Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered. And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!

Matthew 21: 18-20

Jesus Commanded Us Not To Eat Of The Cursed Fig

And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry: And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet. And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.

Mark 11:12-14

God Promises Terrible Vengeance Upon Any Fig-Loving Nation

Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Behold, I will send upon them the sword, the famine, and the pestilence, and will make them like vile figs, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil.

Jeremiah 29:17


Wow, this sheds light on so much and pretty much puts the whole debate to rest. It kind of sucks for Nabisco but come on, they own freaking Oreos. How much can losing sad little Fig Newtons really hurt them?

Ninja Tips For Healthy Living #7

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. If Ninjas get ketchup stains on their outfits whilst eating out, they throw smoke pellets and disappear. Later, outside their den, they burn their outfits while screaming uncontrollably at the top of their lungs.

The Milli Vanilli Of Colorado City

Speaking of polygamy, many moons ago I queried as to whether any of you knew about Uncle Pervy Warren Jeffs supposedly only allowing his flock to listen to recordings of him singing hymns for entertainment. I finally got my answer yesterday and it is just so much more delicious than I'd hoped for.

I dragged myself out of my sickbed for a Facing East meeting with my co-producers, one of whom is Juiceman who is in the process of editing his latest film Sons of Perdition - a documentary about polygamy's exiled youth. The kids had mentioned on several occasions that Warren Jeffs was, surprisingly, a really good song writer so, of course, Juiceman asked to hear some of the songs that he had written. One of the kids gave him an ipod and he found himself listening to the sweetly warbling voice of Warren Jeffs singing his very own greatest hits.

First song starts, played on Wal-Mart's cheapest keyboard: "Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry. Sunshine on the water looks so lovely..."

Second song, even cheaper keyboard: "How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?"

Oh, yeah - Warren Jeffs forbade his followers from listening to outside music then recorded the songs of Bob Dylan, John Denver and other of the music industry's heaviest hitters and passed them off as his own!!! Joseph Smith pilfered the Mason's Greatest Temple Ceremony Hits and Brother Warren purloined The Best of Bruce Springsteen. Seems about right.

Juicy Juice forwarded me the recordings and I wish I was computer savvy enough to share them with you. One can only assume that one has died and gone to comedy heaven when one hears that disturbingly not terrible voice singing, "Howa many rowads must a mana walk down, befora youa call him a man..."

No wonder he had so many wives - they thought he was freaking Bob Dylan! If all the other charges don't stick maybe they can at least get him on copyright infringement.

Why Have I NOT Watched This Show Before???

All the hoopla that this weekend's episode of "Big Love" has generated has me kicking myself for not watching the show before now. It seems everyone these days is jumping on the bandwagon with their public display of the Mormon temple ceremony with its accompanying outfits - which, I guess, saves me the hassle of digging mine out and heading to the roller rink as planned.

Now I can get back to planning my Esther Williams Baptisms For The Dead Underwater Ballet Extravaganza set to open this summer at Lagoon. It's going to be Fanproxytastic!

Sick

I am sick today.

This totally pisses me off because I don't have the time to be sick. I'm fairly certain that the very fact that getting sick has derailed me from the million screaming things I have "To Do" is precisely why my body has called for this Time Out. I cannot run in preparation for the Salt Lake Half Marathon, my very first, I am preparing for. I cannot worry about books and agent rejections and proposals and movies and budgets and fund raising and constantly breaking toilets and side jobs and bills and the needs of my children and laundry and the 25 emails that need answering and the errands that need running... I cannot do one thing but sleep and sit here in my bed with my laptop and complain to you. Lucky.

I was all set to hit the week with a ten mile run and a snappy blog about Porn. What could be better? Instead I got hit with tiny Ninja Terrorists that have invaded my body and are etching their names in my spine with ice picks while gnawing on every nerve ending with freakishly razor sharp teeth and playing Whack a Mole on my head. Not to mention that Satan himself has moved into my lungs - or maybe that is Chris Buttars and his pigs. Either way it sucks.

I am sick today.

The Count Censored Edition

Come On Google, Work With Me Here!

What the hell is an ad for a book selling the Mormon Gospel doing on my blog?!?!?

The Mormon God: Detailed View of Heavenly Father Well Researched-Spirit Filled.

"For all those who believe that God has left this world to fend for itself. For all who question the existence of God based on the sorrows and tragedies of the world. For all those who wonder what God is really like, and why he chooses to be called Heavenly Father. For anyone who feels abandoned or unjustly treated by God. This book is the answer."

ARGH! I am now going to have to eat my own head.

Yes, But Can She Massage?

I usually just post my little "Currently Listening To..." album covers without any hoopla. But, we really do need to take a moment and celebrate the Handless Organist. For she is the blessed woman we were talking about that lowers the toilet seat with her feet.

Truly a miracle of God.

Again??? Seriously???

The following official email was just sent out (via the LDS Church website) to all the members of the Nauvoo 3rd Ward, as approved by Kristy Combs, ward website administrator, and by Bishop Chris Church of the Nauvoo 3rd Ward. (Because it was sent through the LDS website, it required the authorization of a bishop or higher.) Thanks Connell.

This message has been authorized for sending by Bishop Church.

The Civil Union Bill (HB 2234) has been scheduled for a hearing in the Youth and Family Committee this week on Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 9:00 a.m. in Springfield. If the bill is voted out of committee, it becomes eligible for a vote before the full Illinois House of Representatives. This bill will legalize civil unions in the state of Illinois, and will treat such civil unions with the same legal obligations, responsibilities, protections and benefits as are afforded within marriage. In other words, civil unions will be different in name only from marriage. As has already been seen in Massachusetts, this will empower the public schools to begin teaching this lifestyle to our young children regardless of parental requests otherwise. It will also create grounds for rewriting all social mores; the current push in Massachusetts is to recognize and legalize all transgender rights (An individual in Massachusetts can now change their drivers license to the gender they believe themselves to be, regardless of actual gender, which means that confused men and women are now legally entering one another's bathrooms and locker rooms. What kind of a safety issue is this for our children?). Furthermore, while the bill legalizes civil unions, it will be used in the courts to show discrimination and will ultimately lead to court mandated same-sex marriages.

To help defeat this bill, please call your state representative and state senator and ask that they support traditional marriage and vote against the civil unions bill. If you are unsure who your legislators are, please see the link at the end of this email.

Also, please take a moment and call the following members of the Youth and Family Committee to encourage them to vote no on this bill. We need 4 votes to keep it from passing out of the committee. And - as always, please pass this on to all who believe in protecting our families and our children. If you are interested in attending the hearing, it will be held on Thursday, March 5th at 9:00 a.m. in Springfield in Room 122B of the Capitol Building (I can give you directions to the Capitol Building if needed).

Members of the Youth and Family Committee:
Rep. Greg Harris (D-Chicago) (Greg Harris is also the sponsor of this bill, but he needs to hear your opposition to this bill)
Chairperson
217-782-3835

Rep. LaShawn K. Ford (D-Chicago)
Vice-Chairperson
217-782-5962

Rep. Mike Fortner (R-West Chicago)
Republican Spokesperson
217-782-1653

Rep. William D. Burns (D-Chicago)
217-782-2023

Rep. Michael P. McAuliffe (R-Chicago)
217-782-8182

Rep. Al Riley (D-Matteson)
217-558-1007

Rep. Dave Winters (R-Rockford)
217-782-0455

Directions for identifying your legislators:
You can use the following link to identify your state legislators and their contact information: http://www.elections.il.gov/DistrictLocator/SelectSearchType.aspx?NavLink=1 (and enter your 9 digit zip code). If this link doesn't work, you can use the general link www.ilga.gov and then click on " legislator lookup" near the bottom of the page, then click on "by zip+4". Type in your zip code, and you'll see a list of your legislators. You want your state senator and state representative as they will be the ones voting on the bill.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Sister Combs

Oh my God! I love how the passing of gay civil unions means that gay porn will be shown in Kindergarten and men dressed as women will begin running in and out of bathrooms and locker rooms harming children. Guess what? Kids these days already know about gays. There is no stopping the information that gays exist and that sexual relationships are an option for these people. Schools are NOT going to start pushing the gay lifestyle and teaching kids about anal sex. They are going to teach gay sex against parents wishes? Bullshit. We parents have to sign Sex Ed permission slips for heterosexual classes. You really think that there would be no choice even if they did offer How to Homo 101?

And the dangers of transgendered individuals? Please! These people exist now. There is a bit of confusion and staring but, really, how aware of it on a daily basis are you Sister Combs and Bishop Church? Exactly how many transgendered people do you see around you in Nauvoo? Are gay civil unions going to suddenly make men dressed as women, and vice versa, multiply and replenish the earth and take over mirror time in the bathrooms at the Megaplex? Nay. There are transgendered kids that I know of in a couple of Junior High schools, both here in Utah (imagine THAT poor kid!) and in California. The teachers are aware of it and the kids do not use the "wrong" locker and bathrooms. They use the teachers lounge. No one is uncomfortable and the kid in question is safe. Honestly, the only real concern is the poor transgendered kid getting the shit beat of them. Straight kids can be brutal and FAR more of a danger to a gay or transgendered kid than the other way around. Trust me. If the Trannies take over the planet they will most likely get their own bathrooms and stickers on their drivers licenses. Problem solved.

Civil unions will not change one damn thing in that little Nauvoo bubble you live in. Do I have any questions for you, Sister Combs?

You bet your big, fat beehive I do.

All That And A Penis Ta-boot

Okay, so check out Ru Paul.

This video does NOT, by the way, mean that all gay men are drag queens and when gay marriage is finally legal that all the streets in all the world will become gay disco clubs. But, how totally awesome would that be???

I've never really been a huge Ru Paul fan. No idea why, since I am the world's biggest Fairy Princess and she is the world's biggest Fairy Queen. My friend Jeff, the Giant Iraq War Vet I stormed the temple with last fall (okay, we just marched with 3,000 other people but the image of me storming the temple makes me laugh - so stormed it is), is a good friend of Ru's and has all these amazing pictures of him dressed in Ru's dresses, wigs and make-up. Jeff's a United States Marine - and he looks freaking amazing.

He showed me videos of Ru Paul and I was flat out pissed that a MAN looks that curvaceous, glamorous and hot as hell. I understand that it takes make-up, costumes, camera angles, lighting and an entire crew to get him to look like that - and I'm not sure that, even if I could end my passionate love affair with baked goods, I would want to look like Ru Paul - but still... DAMN.

Own It Baby

Melinda left a comment on the "Faith Promoting BS" post that addressed something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Funny how that works. I have been thinking about how my personal beliefs and attitudes, and those of fellow Ex-Mormons, could absolutely tend to make believing members feel like they're somehow supposed to apologize for believing, for having faith, for having the world view that they do.

I wrote quite a while ago about my personal anthem Live Without Apology. About my conviction that life is to be lived to the absolute fullest, with arms wide open and, most importantly, without apology. The thing I want to make clear is that I believe this, not just for my saucy little ExMo self, but for everyone - including True Blue Mormons.

I may disagree, violently, with the beliefs of an active Mormon just like they will disagree, violently, with mine. That is, not only okay, but absolutely wonderful. Welcome to the diverse nut bowl we live in (which is, by the way, infinitely better than living in a bag of Wonder bread.) As long as everyone adopts the practice of not being assholes (aka: letting others live their lives in peace - without judgement; aka: not beating others over the head with their chosen beliefs; aka: not taking away the rights of fellow human beings and telling them how to live and love and think and feel and worship and play and eat Oreos) I am all over celebrating the wide range of thoughts, opinions, beliefs and practices of my fellow humans. We are each on our own path - learning, growing, searching, experiencing, laughing, crying, dreaming and traveling as best we can.

Here's what I don't get. I meet Mormons all the time who say, "I believe in the church. I KNOW Joseph Smith was a prophet, I KNOW Pres. Monson blah, blah blah..." but they drink and party and have all kinds of fun extra marital sex. I mean, I totally vote for those activities - but if you really and truly believe that they are wrong, what the hell are you doing? If you are living that far outside your own bounds of personal integrity then you must be constantly apologizing internally to yourself and to God. Barf.

I have enormous respect for someone who knows who they are, knows where they want to go, knows what they think - what they feel, and lives their lives out loud for all to see and hear. Melinda is one such person. It is my testimony that Melinda is as true as they come and I wish every freaking person on the planet had a Melinda to hang out and laugh with. She has me totally beat in the entertaining human department. She is beautiful and creative and sweet and fun as hell and so unabashedly out there. If I had to choose one person to be stranded on an island with it would be her. Yes, I would miss men and having fun extra marital sex, but I would not be bored or stop laughing for one second. Melinda kicks serious ass and she is a True Blue Believing Mormon.

When she said, "It made me realize what I love to realize which is that my worldview sounds CRAZY to some people. Somehow I love that," and, "I love that story and find it amusing/baffling that some of the commenters on here would think I'm batty and misled because of it! I suppose it is just as stupid as the peanut butter one, but I guess the kids in high school were right, I'm just a Mormie-Mormon," I thought to myself, "God, if everyone Mormon was a Mormie-Mormon like Melinda, Utah would be the funnest place on earth and I would never have to have another colonic again."

Yes, Melinda, your world view does sound crazy to some people. And so does mine. Yes, many people that read this blog probably would think you're batty and misled. Many people that read this blog think I'm batty and misled. And we both love it! We love being out there and wacky. And, in the end, who the hell cares? We are who we are, we think what we think, we feel what we feel, we believe what we believe and fuck 'em (or, maybe in your case, frick 'em) if they can't deal with it.

There is plenty of sky out there with room for all who want to spread their wings and loop-die loop while singing show tunes. We all have the right to live out loud and be who we really and truly are without apologizing for it whether we are gay, straight, black, white, tall, very-very-very-very small, atheist or a screaming, raging Mormon. Even Chris Buttars has the right to live loud and express himself.

And I have the right to cover him with pig poo at the prom.