No Explanation Needed

I have been thinking a lot lately about the quote I have at the top of this blog: "For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible."

Obviously, I initially chose that because it stated the experience of myself and others that have left the Mormon Church. For those who know what it is like to have one's beliefs wash away with the tides and to suddenly see things from a completely new and alive and expansive and free perspective, trying to get someone who still believes to understand (let alone accept) is near impossible.

And, by the same token, a person who fervently believes with a faith that is sweet and life giving and solid and, yes - alive and expansive and free, who has no need to question or challenge that faith cannot get someone who doesn't "get it" or "have it" to understand or respect the things they know to be true.

Let's face it, us Ex-Mo's can better understand where the TBM's (True Blue Mormons) are coming from (if we can get over our big, fat selves) because we were once there. We at least have a memory of what it was like to have a "testimony." While The TBM's have no idea what it is like to see things from where we stand, and are often judgemental and fearful of what our choices mean for us - and, potentially, for them.

But it is precisely because of our "former testimonies" and "new found truths" that we Ex-Mo's can be so hard on the TBM's and judge them for all the things that still being Mormon means to us. Because "The Church" is no longer a place we believe in and can grow in - because it is no longer a place that houses our truth - we have a tendency to think that that should, therefore, be the case for everyone. It's not.

Remember the exercise (with it's many varieties) of a room full of people staring at a door that has been placed in the middle of the room? One side is painted red, the other side is painted blue. Both sides of the room are asked to describe what they see. One side insists that the door is red while the other side insists that it is blue. And both are right because what they see is what they see. My truth is that the door I am looking at is red. Is someone looking at the blue side of the door wrong? No. I have to accept that what is true for me is not at all what is true for them.

We are all where we are - looking at the truth in front of us. Our truth is our truth. I really believe that we are all where we are until we don't need to be there anymore. We are where we need to be until it no longer works or serves us. Until we can no longer grow where we find ourselves planted. When that becomes the case we re-examine the religion, relationship, occupation, school, house - whatever it is that no longer works - and we make new choices accordingly.

The trick is to do our very, very best to respect those that see a different color door and to not insist that the color we see is the only true color. Because the truth is that there are doors and paths of all different colors and they all lead us to the same place. We can share our colors with others, describe them in the most detailed and enticing way possible, but if they choose not to leave the side of the door they are looking at because they really and truly love the color they see it is really none of our business.

Bottom line to me is - we are all where we are because that is where we are. Period. End of story. No explanation needed.