Comment: "I've always thought this is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Either you're equal to men, or you deserve special treatment just because you have lady parts - but you cannot have it both ways!" Excellent comment - summed up so much of what I'm talking about. So many women want all the benefits of equality without the responsibility. Or they want to be pampered like a princess and respected like a CEO - depending on which works for them in the moment. Perfect example: I watched Jay Leno interview Sharon Stone a few years ago and nearly threw something at my television. Sharon Stone is a no nonsense, take no shit kind of woman. She went on and on about how she will NOT be treated as less than a man, she will NOT be disrespected because she is a woman, she will "bust balls" in the boardroom and on set and if a man cannot deal with the fact that she is a strong and independent woman - then fuck him.
Okay, fine. Whatever. We hear that sentiment all the time. But then she turned right around when asked about dating and romance, got all giggly and pulled her feet up under her like a little girl, and said that she has never paid, and will never pay, for a date. A man WILL pay for her, WILL open her door, WILL treat her like a princess or, again, fuck him. I am sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. That is not equality. It is the delusional expectations of immature women with entitlement issues.
It's not even so much the physical act of being paid for on a date or letting him open your door - it's the attitude behind it. The belief that we are entitled to it. It is the demanding of it. Many wonderful men still enjoy, and insist on, doing those things. If that is the case, great. But, women, we damn well better appreciate it and give in return where and when we can. If he opens the door to let you in the car then at least lean over and unlock his door for him. (I know, most cars automatically unlock with the push of a button. You know what I mean. Give him something.) If he pays for all your dates, then buy him a gift once in a while to thank him. Give him a card. Sweet email. Go out of your way to express gratitude and understand that he is treating you like a princess because he is a good and thoughtful human, NOT because you are one.
As for being respected - it is my belief and experience that men (I'm not talking about the assholes here, I'm talking about the good guys - of which there are many) respect women who are willing and able to stand on their own and contribute to the relationship, be it business or romantic, with confidence and dignity and kindness in every way they are able. Trust me, men don't respect the Princesses of Entitlement disguised as Savvy CEOs - they resent them and will never take them seriously.
And the ball busters? Ladies, don't bust a man's balls unless you are willing to have your own big hairy ones busted right back. And honestly, deep down, what woman wants busted balls? On herself or her man?
5 comments:
Well, I have always assumed that equality was more a reference to human worth, not gender......And, in good ol'fashioned, Christian style I have also assumed that ALL are created with equal worth....I am not sure the debate should be about gender related issues anymore, but rather extend to also include race, religion, SES, etc. I don't feel (and I am a woman) like it is my gender that prevents equality for me in terms of salary, for instance. I see that as an issue related to the fact that I am not LDS and not American. Which seems to be an even bigger problem around here than being female.
There's a great interview with a prostitute in the book Working, by Studs Terkel. She talks about how she learned at a very early age that women are viewed as commodities - men pay for dates, pay for engagement rings, pay for a house, etc (even if it's not ALL the same today, you get the idea), and women give them company and sex. So she decided to take it into her own hands - if she was going to be selling herself, she wanted it to be on her terms, and for the amount she wanted.
I'm really, really paraphrasing since I don't have the book, but I think that was the idea.
I never understood why men pay for dates. It's weird.
Apparently men aren't buying Sharon Stone's ideas -- how many divorces has she had again? At least two.
Well, I'm glad you liked my comment ;)
My husband says he knew I was "the one" when I offered to pay for our first date. Apparently in his 4 years of dating at BYU, no one else had ever offered.
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