Friday, February 13, 2009

February Funny #3: Human Dumbbells


"A gym is offering its customers an unusual set of dumbbells to exercise with – including an overweight man and two dwarfs.

Members of Gymbox in Bank, central London, can choose to lift any of five differently sized "human weights".

Wearing Lycra catsuits which label their weight, they sit on specially adapted machines and shout words of encouragement.

The "dumbbells" include two dwarfs – 32-year-old Arti Shah, who weighs just 4.5 stones (30kg) and 64-year-old Mike Edwards, who weighs 8 stones (55kg).

At the other end of the scale for those with stronger muscles is 24 stones (155kg) Matt Barnard, 37.

Gymbox owner Richard Hilton said: "A lot of our members felt that lifting metal weights was boring and not especially motivating.

"They said that they had no idea what they were lifting.

"Experts in sports psychology agree that visualisation is a significant factor in improving performance and human weights are as visual as it can get.

"Our human weights will, at the gym-goers request, shout encouragement like 'Come on, lift me harder and faster' and 'You're doing great. Look at those muscles building'.

"Otherwise, they will just keep quiet and keep still as they are lifted."

The gym already runs a "Chav fighting" self-defence class, "boob aerobics" to help women increase their bust size and "WAG workouts" aimed at making female members more attractive to footballers."



Okay, so anyone who knows me or has followed this blog for even a short amount of time will automatically think they know exactly what I find funny about this picture and article. And yes, the thought of lifting the two smaller humans, whose weight is measured in "stones," at the gym does make me giggle. But, oh my God! Check out super skinny boy with the swoopy Island of Misfit Toys hairdo! The thought of him sitting on a machine for me to lift while he complains about wanting to be a dentist makes me fall on the floor. If he were shouting, "Come on, lift me harder and faster!" I would be snorting, gasping and peeing way too hard to even think about working out.

And the other two? Are you kidding me??? As if I could lift Grumpy Lumpy Man or the Sour Kangaroo staring off into space. I cannot imagine what words of encouragement they would offer. They look like they would just be mean and kick me in the shins if I couldn't lift them.

Boob aerobics? That is a class I would love to watch, but those of us that purchased our own industrial strength boobies don't really need it. My ass is a different story. They should offer an Ass Class where the Little Stones run around and pinch and punch the Jiggle Butts while singing encouraging songs. I would be all over that.

I am totally getting their catalog. I want to order Swoopy Boy to perch on my dresser, kitchen counter and desk to encourage me throughout my day. I would laugh too hard to ever accomplish anything ever again, but it would be totally worth it.

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