So, here is what triggered this rant to come forth when it has. It is certainly not an earth shattering issue but it is a symptom and, most definitely, a pet peeve of mine - much like unto dogs in frumpy dresses.I was at a party a little bit ago and listened to a friend and her sister bitch for nearly ten minutes about the sisters husband's, therefore all men's, inability to put down the toilet seat after he pees. In the past, when I have heard this idiocy, I have kept my opinion to myself. This time I kind of called them on it and they looked at me like I was the Great She-Betrayer that should have been kicked out of the Girl's Club right then and there. Whatever.
This common female complaint I absolutely DO NOT GET. Seriously??? Putting DOWN the toilet seat before you pee is just so damn traumatic, puts such a strain on your pretty little wrist, that it is simply out of the question? Is your tiny princess arm THAT fragile that it will just break in two if it lowers that ginormous lid? It weighs, what... one freaking pound?
And don't even try to give me the "It's his lack of consideration, he has to lift it to pee therefore he should be the one to lower it for my so-special-it-should-be-in-a-museum ass." Clearly these women have NEVER lived with a father, brother, son, husband, boyfriend that also found the toilet seat far too heavy for lifting and just let loose and on it every day. Sitting on another humans urine sprinkles is no picnic, your majesty. Trust me. If the man in your house is considerate enough to lift the seat BEFORE peeing you should thank the God's. And him.
Why is it his job to lift AND lower the seat? Why doesn't he get to make you sleep on the couch for not lifting it back up when you are done? It has to be moved twice - the only thing that makes any sense at all to me is that you each deal with the seat once when peeing. He lifts the seat to pee, you lower the seat to pee. Is that really so hard? Is that really such an impossible task? Doesn't it take, like, a hundred times more energy to get pissed and then complain to your friends for ten minutes about your dumb ass husband? YOU go to the gym, you lift weights and do Pilate's, you take pride in being a strong and self sufficient woman and yet you can't lower a toilet seat? Be honest, who is the dumb ass here?
And to the complaint that nearly always follows about falling in the toilet because HE didn't lower the seat... Are you fucking kidding me? Even if you are in outer darkness, it hardly takes a fraction of a second to reach out and feel if the seat is up and lower it. If you have fallen in a toilet once and didn't learn from it - that is no one's fault but your own.
The only exception to this is women who are both blind and armless. But even then, these women must have potty helpers who, surely, can undertake the impossibly back breaking task of seat lowering for them. So, pretty much all around, I'm calling bullshit on the toilet seat complaint.
It's his fault you fell in the toilet. Good Lord.
21 comments:
OK, so what I want to know is if it is the recovering Mormon or the die-hard smart ass that is speaking here? (The rant doesn't quite fit any of the other self determined descriptions!) :-)
Thank you! I've only met one other woman who shared this egalitarian stance on toilet seat management. It seems the perfect compromise, but I suspect that being fair isn't what this complaint is about.
I've always thought this is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Either you're equal to men, or you deserve special treatment just because you have lady parts - but you cannot have it both ways!
I LOVE THIS POST!!!! I called my husband instantly and read this to him and we both had a great laugh. I could not agree more with you on this one.
I have spoken almost those EXACT words (except in not nearly as humorous or eloquent a way as you) to my husband on many occassions.
Of all the battles, women really choose to pick this one? Really? I simply don't get it.
Hell, half the time when I wake up in the middle of the night all groggy and disoriented, I don't even put the stinkin' lid down that my husband left up. And I haven't died from getting a speck of pee on my leg just yet.
Hahahah! Great, great post. Still chuckling...
You know I had never considered the plight of the blind armless woman who needs help in determining toliet seat logistics. If I were that woman I'm sure I could wrestle up a leg or two (ok, that's not really funny since two legs at once is impossible), but one leg to move the seat down if needed. I'm just really having trouble with the ass wiping part of this scenario... Not even an 8 year old chinese acrobat is flexible enough to wipe with a foot. Clearly, some outside assistance is needed. I am missing something?
For those women I recommend separate bathrooms. Who wants to share a bathroom anyway? Heck, if you can afford it, get separate bedrooms. Problems - SOLVED.
i didn't care as much about the toilet seat as i did about other things. namely, the latex products i would sometimes find in the toilet. ok, so he chose to do what he wanted in my house, and i got over the evidence, and got over him too. but seriously, trying to kill the fish and ducks by attempted flushing?!? this is a cause much more worthy of a rant than simply leaving the seat up.
I know this is long but here's why I think it's important to close the lid on the toilet seat - it's taken from: http://www.bog-standard.org/factsheet_015.aspx
If you don’t close the lid before you flush the toilet, the spray from the toilet flush can land up to several feet away from the toilet. The spray is hard to see with the naked eye.
When you flush the toilet, the spray from the toilet bowl can contain a range of viruses and bacteria, some of which may cause serious illnesses. Some of the viruses and bacteria can survive for hours or days. It is therefore important to shut the lid before you flush the toilet.
How to see this for yourself – a fun experiment
Teachers may like to do this experiment with small groups. Parents may also like to do it at home. Children should not do this experiment without adult supervision.
Before you start, make sure that the toilet has been flushed properly.
Put about 15ml (1 tablespoon) of food colouring into the toilet bowl.
Put the seat up and stretch cling film across the top of the bowl, so that it covers all of it and sticks to the outside of the toilet.
Flush the toilet and watch as droplets fly up to the underside of the cling film. If the cling film wasn’t there, those drops could fly out and land on the floor.
Let each pupil or child look at the cling film through a magnifying glass, to see how many smaller droplets there are. The drops could all be carrying germs that can make us ill.
Don't forget to remove the cling film! It should be put in an outside bin.
Everyone who took part should wash their hands after this experiment.
Encouraging pupils to close the toilet lid
The above experiment can be very useful in encouraging pupils to close the toilet lid before they flush. In addition, a design feature which requires the user to close the lid before flushing would help, although this would require pupils to actually flush the toilet after use.
Yes I agree that it is crazy for women to become so militant about the toilet seat...but...you must not have experienced the midnight stagger to the toilet, 9 months pregnant, knowing that you will be up again in an hour. You leave the light off so that you can sleep through the process only to be awakened by a loud splash and cold bath to your privates. Not pleasant. Closing the lid is just one of the many, many, many nice things that my husband does for me.
yeah, this is true, i actually always close the lid myself, but can't be bothered to try and fight others to do so to!
Rebecca:
Separate bedrooms = problems solved? I'd like you to clarify, since at first glance that sounds like more man-hating (or at least sex-hating, in which case I would feel sorry for you).
Anonymous lid-closer:
That's nice, but if there's such a to-do about seat position, how in the world are we going to get lid closure? I vote for the Japanese squat toilet.
I'm going to approach this from a completely different standpoint. Partly as a just me, and partly as a former Feng Shui consultant/now hobbyist. Purely, from an aesthetic standpoint, I HATE walking into a bathroom and immediately being visually assaulted by a gaping bowl of water, that many times is adorned with the inability of the boys and man I live with, to aim. If the lid is down, I don't have to see until I've donned the gas mask, the elbow length Playtex gloves, and hauled in the bucket of Clorox water.
From a Feng Shui perspective, drains of any kind drain the energy of your home, your chi, and toilets can often be in the abundance sector of your home.
I choose to keep the lid down, teach my children as well as I am able to lower the lid, AND keep the bathroom door closed. That is all. And yes, I am perfectly capable of lowering it myself. In the name of cheese and rice, amen.
Just have to ask; isn’t this whole issue a bit like childish? I mean, one of my husbands major issues is that my conditioner, unless carefully cleaned off the shower floor following a shower, will cause for him to slip and fall in the shower…..Which he is entitled to be concerned about, and I can bitch about toilet seats and we are even! Part of sharing a life with someone is to accept, reject or agree to disagree on issues. The toilet-seat issue seems to be one of the 100’s of petty issues one may encounter during a day, but not one that matters much. Really!
As for the rest of the issue; whether men bitch about women or women bitch about men, gays, straights, bi’s or any other gender variety; haven’t we got more important stuff in life to be concerned about?!!
I have read some of this blog, and it appears there’s a whole lot of attempting to come-to-terms-with-self going on. Which I applaud. Loudly. But really, toilet seats?!
Emily, you have really touched a nerve here! 13+ comments about toilet seats. Perhaps we need an Oprah show about it. I don't know, just a suggestion.
Wiggins - chill out, it was a joke. No sharing = no problems with sharing to complain about.
I clean the damn toilets - they can put the seat down. And they do.
That is all.
I avoid the issue altogether by peeing in the sink.
It's so much easier in the shower, save on toilet paper too. At least that is what my kids tell me.
Great posts lately-one of these days I will really have to wax profound about them, but in the meantime (since we can no longer mention the little things that are no longer to be talked about), check out this very cool website-http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/
Val
Female talking: My complaint is when they leave pee on the seat and then when I go to "put the seat down for myself", my fingers touch the pee. Sure, don't put the seat down dudes, but please clean the toliet rim when you are through and one more thing.......wash your hands.
Or men could just sit down to pee, it works just fine. No fuss, no mess, no dirty seat, no problems aiming (especially at night/or drunk) = everyone is happy!
Post a Comment