Previous post having been said...
I just gotta ask... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH WOMEN TODAY???
I thought the point was equality. I thought the point was working towards partnership. I thought the point was reaching for mutual respect and understanding. NOT what I see going on around me.
I am not, by the way, talking about other countries where women are still denied and abused - powerless and voiceless. I know there is vast inequality and horrific things being perpetrated all over the world including in right here in our country. I totally get that but it is not the issue I am addressing today.
I am talking about the world that I live in - the fairly privileged, somewhat spoiled, upper middle class. I am talking about the average American female that has somehow decided it is okay to forward mass emails to her girlfriends, ad nauseam, that start with the lines "How Dumb Can a Man Get?" and "Men Are Just Happier People: What Can You Expect From Such Simple Creatures?" Every time I open my inbox there is another email basically saying: Men are Worthless, Men are Dumb, What the Hell are We Women to do with Such Big Fat Idiots? These messages are circulated almost daily and they baffle me.
I know that many would say that I need to lighten up, that they are just jokes and don't really mean anything. But, if you take all the jokes being made and turn them back on women, replacing the word man for woman, they are shocking and offensive and beyond politically incorrect. If men were making these jokes and forwarding them to all their friends we women would go absolutely nuts. So, why is it okay to make them about men? Cause they don't care? Cause they don't have feelings? Cause it makes no difference? Bullshit.
Turn on the TV and nearly every husband and father in commercials is bumbling, silly, not taken seriously and treated like an inept child. If women were still being portrayed that way, every woman's political advocacy group would descend like a swarm of killer bees and there would be bloody hell to pay. Why is it okay now for men to be torn down? Why is it okay that men are now what women once were? Because things were so out of whack in favor of men for so long that now it is our turn? Is that really the answer? Now we women get to treat men like shit to make us feel better? Men get to be dumb so we can feel smart? Men get to be small so we can feel powerful? Really?
It just seems to me that feminism has overshot it's mark in many, many ways. There are still feminists out there fighting the fight as if it were still 30 - 40 years ago. Guess what? You did so much of what you set out to do! I got to grow up with strong, heroic women who paved the way for me to be all I can be. And I am, again, grateful beyond words. But how is it okay that I have a son who, years ago, snuggled up to me and asked why the girls always get to be the heroes? We have done right by our girls but what about our boys?
I look around me and I see boys and men that are just not even sure what it even means to be a man anymore. Boys and men that feel this underlying and constant need to apologize for being male. I see female educators doing all they can to turn little boys into little girls - completely blind to the amazing power that healthy male energy brings to our world. I go to the book fair at Back to School Night and see scores of books about girls and their education and self esteem and being all they can be and getting ahead and there is not one single book about the boys. Not one.
We still have this notion that girls are suffering and being left behind and need help when I really don't think that is the case at all anymore. Thank God. We really have Come a Long Way Baby. But what about the boys? There is a wonderful book called "The War Against Boys." If you want to get a better idea of what I'm talking about just Google that title and start reading.
Things are still screwy all around. Things are still not nearly as equal and balanced as they should be. But, I promise you that man bashing is not the answer. It is more of the same problem. And it needs to stop.
Ladies, men, as a whole, are not dumb. They are not worthless. They are not imbeciles to poke fun of. Men, as a whole, are a gift. A gift that this woman is deeply, deeply grateful for.
11 comments:
I agree with you in a LOT of ways. We can't generalize ALL men anymore than we want to be generalized as women. And I also think it's true that schools don't take into account that many boys (and, let's be honest, many girls as well) don't learn best sitting and being quiet all day.
However.
I don't think women have all the power now and are using it to make men feel as we once did. Take, for example, something I was complaining about to a friend the other day: tv shows. She asked if I watched Fringe. I said that I initially enjoyed it, but after a few episodes I had to quit watching it because I'm just so tired of shows about genius quirky men who break all the rules, and their hard-ass, smart-but-not-THAT-smart female sidekicks.
And how about movies? A movie about women is still considered a chick flick, while a movie about men is for everyone (the same generally goes for books, especially juvenile literature. Would Harry Potter have done as well if it had been Harriet Potter? I, for one, doubt it). A friend of mine recently blogged about the movie 27 Dresses. She wrote:
"I do not need to see another woman humiliated into loving someone ever again. The formula is getting tired and it leaves me feeling angry."
The fact that women can say these things about men, but it's sexist for them to say the same things about us, just shows that they still enjoy the privileged status. It's like the way minorities (racial, sexual, whatever) can say things about straight white people that straight white people can't say about them.
And maybe you don't agree with me at all. That's fine. But in my experience, sexism towards women, even in this prosperous country, has not been laid to rest.
So while I think you have a great point - it IS wrong to pull ourselves up by pushing men down - I also think we have not yet made it to the status men enjoy. In the meantime we should refrain from indulging in man-bashing because it's CRAP, and also because it doesn't help the cause - it just creates an "us vs. them" kind of thing.
And as for your son asking why the girls always get to be heroes, well, I think that probably has more to do with the strong women he sees around him than society in general.
Amen to your priesthood.
GOOD men are wonderful. (and if one is fortunate to share any part of life with one...never to be taken for granted)
GOOD women are wonderful. (they make the most phenomenal friends)
The rest will have to Answer in this life or the next.
I am very bothered by any kind of sexism - whether directed at men or women, it is disgusting and degrading.
While I do think there is still lots of anti-female sexism in our society that needs changing, it is usually much more subtle than the blatant anti-male sexism that you are describing here.
It's kind of ironic that I, as a feminist gay man, who rejects gender norms, I still often feel the effects of anti-male sexism in many different situations in my life - of course, it's still not nearly as bad as the constant heterosexism I experience, but it does indeed exist and is a problem.
And I also find it ironic that some of the most strident feminists who fought and fight for female equality have turned to denigrating men - as if they now want "payback" and want to be superior to men in the way that men were seen as superior to women for so long (as if that's the fault of men living today).
It's all just plain ridiculous.
Emily,
I agree with you on may points. I cringe and roll my eyes, while hitting delete everytime I get those "Men are Idiots" e-mails. It is no way to fight the battle, much less, win the war.
But, Emily? Have you not looked around? The score is, at best tied on this issue. I also cringe and hit delete on the many e-mail I receive that talk about: women's fat asses, women's inability to drive and park, women's inability to read directions or read a map, why men prefer dogs over women, how women are high maintenance, how women are emotionally deficient. The list goes on and on.
This is not a unique situation suffered by our male friends. And while I agree that it is rather juvenile and unproductive, it is by no means one-sided.
I too, value the men in my life. I have an amazing father, an incredible brother, two fabulous sons and a husband that tops them all. Hence, the reason I delete those silly e-mails and show an extra measure of love to all of the good men in my life.
However, I do find it interesting that you can find these types of "jokes", if you will, offensive, while your jokes about "midgets", as you call them, should be seen as light-hearted. Just cuious.
Still love your blog, Emily. Afterall, you do have me coming back, day after day. And most days, I am more than right there with you.
YEY! I am loving these comments! Keep 'em coming. There is SO much to be said...
Well-I truly feel quite red-neck right now, because after reading these well-thought-out and enlightening posts, all I really wanted to say was, "Yes, Em, I REALLY DO have midgets next door!"
Really great point. I'm new to your blog and have really enjoyed reading it the last few days.
I remember in college I would get so frustrated with the whole dating scene and would sometimes fall into the "Men - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" mentality.
I think you did a great job setting this up with your previous post about all the great things feminism has accomplished. It's interesting to think about how we might be short changing ourselves by allowing the pendalum to swing to far now the other direction.
Usually I am with you 100%. On this one, not as much. I get tired of the fact I make a lot more money than my husband, but somehow he, I and the world expect I will put everything aside for when he needs to do something for his career but mine not so much. I get tired of the fact I do most of the laundry and most of the cleaning. I get tired of the fact that on some level I must be okay with this or told I must be as I am not pitching a damn fit. And so, in frustration, sometimes I LAUGH at those types of e-mails because you know what? I feel like a lot of men (including ones I see in my professional life) WOULD laugh if they saw that e-mail about a woman.
(I also think you have lots of valid points. Rant over.)
Girl, whoever has been sending you those emails is going to feel like a fooool after reading this post.
Maybemaybenot: I absolutely agree. (see my last comment on Michelle Obama post)
I agree with Rebecca and Foundinidaho on this one. I find the emails tasteless and wrong, just as much as I do the sexist-against-women emails tasteless and wrong.
We have a long way to go in gaining true equality. I don't think the pendulum is swinging as far as you think it is toward minimizing men, however.
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