Ode To My Religious Blog

Okay, I have found one other thing, besides my aunt Susie, that quiets my Mormon pissiness. One other place I can go for peace. A happy, laughing place in the eye of the storm. My Religious Blog.

They say that laughter is the best medicine. For me it is therapy. This guy is hysterical, the Jack Handey of Mormondom, and his blog reminds me of one of the best things about the LDS Church. It's teachings and culture are a freaking goldmine of humor. This blog should be required reading for all ex-Mormons - just to soothe the itching and twitching.

This is the first post I read, the one that made me fall in love with the site, followed by other tasty nibbles. Ready? Go...


Halloween

In my house we don’t celebrate Halloween. I don’t think its focus on evil, death and gluttony is appropriate for children who we are trying to raise in the gospel.

So this Halloween, like every Halloween, we will have a special family home evening and make some healthy snacks to eat while we watch Pulp Fiction together as a family.


Confession

I know we are not supposed to go against the teachings of the church or voice our dissenting opinions, but I have a confession:

I personally do not hope to endure all things.


Pioneer Children Sang As They Walked

I bet that got annoying pretty fast for the pioneer adults.


Articles Of Faith

We believe that all men will be punished for their own sins.

Like you know those two twins in GI Joe where if one of them got hurt, the other one would feel it?

Yeah, we don't believe that is right.


You're Not Alone

When you hear them talking about the Pride Cycle in church, do you ever get confused because you think maybe they are talking about a specialized automobile that Pride Man keeps parked in his Pride Cave next to his Pride Mobile and his Pride Copter?

If so, you're not alone.

(even though right now you're on your own)


The Pride Cycle

I guess I would have to say my favorite stage of the Pride Cycle is the stage where I am rich and prosperous.


Stories From My Mission (part three)

There was an Elder on my mission who got sent home early because he would put ether on a rag and hold it over his companion’s nose and mouth until he passed out. And then the companion would wake up at like noon the next day and not know what had happened.

Sometimes I wished he had been my companion, because I really hated having to get up early.


Stake Conference

Stake Conference is an incredible opportunity for all of the members in the same area to gather together under one roof to hear the Stake presidency teach and exhort us.

But the thing is, if your kid starts screaming and crying, it’s probably best for you to take them home so they don’t disturb all the other people who are trying to listen.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t think it’s an unpardonable sin to discretely pinch your kid to make him start crying.

And sometimes I think that is one of the best reasons to have kids.


The Fullness Of Time

1000 years on earth is equal to one day in heaven.

(I learned that from reading Abraham 3:4)

Two hours in Stake Conference is equal to about 15 hours outside of Stake Conference.

(I learned that from accidentally going to Stake Conference once)


Seriously, I know that Brother Gatsby's blog is true.

In the name of The Hoff, Amen.