For All Those Who Still Think Homosexuality Is Unnatural And That Gays Make Lousy Parents

"Gay penguins expelled from zoo colony for stealing eggs are given their own to look after following animal rights protest."

By Caroline Graham
15th December 2008

A pair of gay penguins thrown out of their zoo colony for repeatedly stealing eggs have been given some of their own to look after following a protest by animal rights groups.

Last month the birds were segregated after they were caught placing stones at the feet of parents before waddling away with their eggs.

But angry visitors to Polar Land in Harbin, northern China, complained it wasn't fair to stop the couple from becoming surrogate fathers and urged zoo bosses to give them a chance.

In response, zookeepers gave the pair two eggs laid by an inexperienced first-time mother.

"We decided to give them two eggs from another couple whose hatching ability had been poor and they've turned out to be the best parents in the whole zoo," said one of the keepers.

"It's very encouraging and if this works out well we will try to arrange for them to become real parents themselves with artificial insemination."

Wildlife experts at the park explain that despite being gay the three-year-old male birds are still driven by an urge to be fathers.

"One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite the fact that they can't have eggs naturally, it does not take away their biological drive to be a parent," said one.

One campaigner who did not want to be named welcomed the move and said: "It wasn't fair to stop them becoming parents and keep them apart from all the other birds just because of the way nature has made them."

Last month zookeepers said the couple were removed from the group not because of discrimination, but so as not to disturb the colony during hatching time.

At least a Chinese zoo is getting it right - sheesh! All it took was one little protest, how far behind can the Mormon Church be? Oh yeah, historically, 30 - 50 years. Crap. Let's see if that time table is sped up with all that is set to hit them this following year. Again, I really don't think they had any idea what they were getting themselves in for with Prop 8. They poked the wrong giant with their stick - is all I have to say.

Gay penguins. Cool. Seems fitting that the most well dressed animal would be the first to come out openly. Granted - it was uncool of them to steal other penguin's eggs and replace them with rocks. Even I wouldn't be too happy about a gay couple sneaking into the hospital and absconding with my baby - leaving, maybe, a watermelon in exchange. That would just be rude.

The perfect solution? Again, we can look to the zoo for that. Give gay couples babies made by inexperienced first-time mothers! Of course the mothers couldn't just be inexperienced. Taking away babies merely because of the mother's inexperience would also be kind of rude. Let's be honest here - there are plenty of moms out there that have proven that they are incapable of caring for the countless babies that they insist on cranking out. I was never more depressed about the state of humans as when I was working as a staffer for Kelly Temps - not just as a glamorous temp myself.

There were these two girls, in their early twenties, who kept calling in for work but never showed up for the work we actually got them. They lived in a van together with their litters of babies. They would come into the office, wreaking of BO and cigarettes, and giggle/apologize about missing work, in the middle of winter, with hungry, shoe-less and coat-less kids hanging all over them. I couldn't take it.

I wanted to bitch slap them, storm their van and take their kids someplace safe where they would be cared for by loving parents. I didn't know at the time exactly where I would take them, where I would find guaranteed capable and responsible parents, but I sure as hell do now...

A zoo in China.