Okay, I'm diving right back in here...
As I said a couple of days ago, Mr. B (see comments) posted a response to a piece my mother wrote in the Salt Lake Tribune.
I really do have to say that I more than pucker when homosexuality is defined and viewed as nothing more than a giant, screaming anal sex party. My jaw dropped when I read his response. (Not sure why after our discussion several posts back - but it did.) And I also have to say that I am extremely uncomfortable attacking another person publicly, especially when it comes to something as personal as sexuality. Several people pointed the "closeted self hating gay man" finger at him. I won't go that far - primarily because I don't know him personally. Generally speaking, with certain exceptions, I always say, "If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck- then it's a duck."
(So funny! I just mis-typed that last sentence and it read, "If it walks like a dick..." While some of you would argue that the term dick might be more fitting here, again, I can't go there because, as much as Mr. B's opinions violently piss me off - I, weirdly, kinda like the guy.)
But, like I said, I've never seen Mr. B's waddle, nor have I heard him quack so I'll leave him out of the rest of this post. Besides, he is certainly not the only person on the planet with the opinions expressed - his were merely the catalyst for today's rant.
There are many, many men - I have met more than my fair share - who profess to be straight and are rabidly homophobic but who have this amusing, and disconcerting, obsession (and I do mean obsession) with gay anal sex. (As opposed to the anal sex practiced by [gasp] straight folk.) They rant and rave and judge and fixate on that horrible sodomy, sodomy, sodomy... SODOMY! I have even been sent (more than once) graphic gay porn disguised as "see how terrible it is - this is what they do and why they deserve to die slowly of AIDS for doing it."
Quack, quack, quack...
In my opinion, any straight man that is that fixated on anal sex between men ain't completely straight. But, rather than making me feel angry, they just make me feel incredibly sad - almost protective over them. I cannot imagine the pain of a life that buried, that denied, that filled with self loathing. Living life in a closet is tragic enough, but to be in one that is so fetid it causes a person to, as another poster commented, turn and "gnaw on [one's] own ankle" is unimaginable to me. And, when it has reached that point I, sadly, have to agree that "the kindest thing any of us can do is avert our eyes" while they gnaw away.
To those that are not gnawing, but are nonetheless shut up in a closet trying to figure out how to survive I say, "COME OUT!" There is a handle on that door! It turns! It opens! And the sunshine and fresh air will astound you. You will not be alone - there are multitudes waiting out here to embrace and celebrate your truth, your courage, your healing, your life...
And, I'm not just talking to the gay folk. I'm talking to us straights too. What closets have we shut ourselves in? What tiny windowless rooms of fear and shame and smallness are we rotting away in? What are we terrified of looking at, choosing, embracing and living?
Everybody... OUT! Fling open those doors, take a deep breath, let the sunshine in and join the parade! I'm saving a place just for you.
And, Baby, we're right next to the band.
6 comments:
Did you see my satire piece in the most recent Sunstone titled "Gay Humility Parade Keeps a Low Profile"? Here it is reproduced at my blog:
http://ckbigelow.blogspot.com/2008/09/gay-humility-parade-keeps-low-profile.html
I think there's a sound biological reason for many males feeling strong revulsion about anal sex. After all, if that was a more widely accepted orifice for DNA deposits, the species would not reproduce as well. And anal sex is an extremely effective channel for spreading disease. Plus, there's poo involved.
OMG! Mr. B - you said "poo" on my blog!!!
I'm so happy.
Did I ask somewhere something about Mr. B recently? Something you said, Emily, and now I can't find it?
Me--it was a shock when I figured out how my "boyfriend" (husband to be) had sex. I was quite the sheltered little girl. Now I think, "What business is it of mine how they have sex?" I do BELIEVE that anyone who is that concerned has a problem themselves that they are trying to hide.
Like you said--come out of the closet. I came out of the "other side of the closet" and it has been very freeing. This isn't the life I would have chosen (I think), but I revel in it now. It has been NOT BORING AND, as I used to tell my ex, I never wanted to be a "typical mormon" woman--and I certainly AM NOT--nor am I any longer a mormon.
Hey, you know what, if I were sexually attracted to males and interested in anal sex and felt that the gay lifestyle was a worthwhile option, I would feel no hesitation to pursue those openly. I've always done what the hell I want to do, and I learned some hard lessons that way earlier in life (esp. in the areas of drugs and fornication), so I've decided the Mormon thing is what works for me, and I'm proud of it. And I don't see how talking about a social movement and the sexual practice at the heart of it, a movement that I think threatens my religious rights and possibly the future well-being of any of my sons who may feel same-sex attraction, means that I am a closet gay.
Believe me, if I were gay, I would be gay. But "gay" is just a manipulated social identity anyways, not a moral or eternal reality, so I don't even like using the term. If any of my sons struggle with same-sex attraction, I will try to help them see that it doesn't mean they should give up and choose to be "gay."
He isn't worth our time Emily.
So I just Googled "giant, screaming anal sex party" and found your blog!
JUST KIDDING.
I appreciate this post though, and feel that you're right on target. Not specifically about Mr. B, who I don't know from Adam, but about the general fixation some seem to have with gay sex.
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