100 Questions: #7 Forbidden

I enjoyed your ancient stint on "Saved By The Bell." It made me curious. What's the worst or most embarrassing acting job you've ever done?

Oh hell, I don't even have to think about that one. And I can't believe that I am admitting to this publicly. Perhaps it's because I am fairly certain that it can be found nowhere on YouTube. Now that I have said that, however, I have little doubt that Gonzo will delightedly deliver it to me within hours!

Back in 1990, there was this brilliant little film made called "Lambada: The Forbidden Dance" in which I had the great fortune of being a dancer. Not featured, thank Jeebus, you can only see my hair and pink polka dot skirt fly by a couple of times. But, I was there on the dance floor in the twirling mass of bodies. Lame job, most definitely, but embarrassing? Not really. Until...

A few dancers were subsequently chosen (and due to my boyfriend-at-the-time-connection I was one of them) to work on the - drum roll please - "How To Lambada Home Video." Oh. My. God.

This Piece O' Shit / Cornucopia O' Humor was choreographed by Miranda Garrison (a la Dirty Dancing) and Allen Walls (a la many Playboy videos. There's dancing in those??? Who knew???) There were probably about eight couples that demonstrated the gyrating Brazilian dance and then sat around little cafe tables while Miranda and Allen broke the specific moves down for the eager Lambada students at home. It is freakin hilarious. And mortifying.

I was twenty years old and violently Mormon. You've all seen the Lambada, right? The dance in which the woman, wearing a skirt that barely covers her butt cheeks over a thong that is flashed with every twirl, plants herself on her partners upper thigh and dry humps to music? Well, being the righteous Daughter of Zion that I was, I could not possibly wear a thong under my little skirt - so I hiked up lacy biker shorts under it instead. Oooo Baby. I was skinny as hell and still painfully uncomfortable in my own skin. My partner was a much older, barrel chested, Italian mob looking guy with a big booger plastered to his nose. I, of course, was too horrified to say anything so I danced with it all day long.

There are no words to adequately describe how incredibly bad this video is which, of course, automatically makes it a thing of beauty - right up there with the movies "Troll" starring Sonny Bono and Julia Louis-Dreyfus and "The Magic Show" starring Doug Henning, one of the most magically delicious parts of my childhood, and a very young Didi Conn.

The best part was when we all came down this flight of stairs, couple by couple, and the screen flashed our names while we did a lame little spin, or move, and then exited frame. Yeah, I cringe just thinking about it.

You know, come to think of it, embarrassing was my butt on Baywatch or the day my bra pad fell out in the middle of the "Cop Rock" set. The How To Lambada Home Video goes so far beyond embarrassing. It stands alone as the single most professionally humiliating moment in Emily history.

Thanks for asking.