MyStoopidSpace

I always thought MySpace was kind of dumb because, honestly, it kind of is. Then, when I was working for the film company, I was assigned to network and market a film on MySpace. I was beyond depressed at the humans that came flooding onto the screen and into my world but I also understood the value of being able to get information out to many different individuals in many different zip codes.

When my mother self published her latest book "No More Goodbyes" last year, I set up my own profile so I could contact every gay Mormon possible in her behalf. (I would want to do this anyway seeing as how gay ex-Mormons are absolutely at the top of the list of those invited to MyParty, and the gays that are still Mormon, well... I just want to give them all a big, giant hug.)

I put up my picture, fancy background with accompanying snazzy song and was instantly hit with a barrage of messages and friend requests from men that were everything from mildly amusing to not-so-mildly horrifying.

But, I have met a couple of great new friends and have re-connected with many, many long lost loved ones. Just yesterday I was contacted by a guy I met in 1988 in Scotland when I was touring with the Brigham Young University Young Ambassadors (a smile-for-Jeebus, sequin sporting, high kickin' performing group.) He was 11 years old, completely darling, had a ginormous crush on me and apparently cried when I left. How cute is that? I came across pictures of us that were taken after one of our shows, with a note he had written me, a few months ago and wondered what had become of him. I was stunned to hear from him. He is still cute as can be, ain't 11 years old anymore and is a world travelin' musician. That single email from him made my day, week, month, year... (nah - he'd have to do a lot more than email me for it to make my year) and made it completely worth enduring other, almost daily, messages like these:

oh my god your funny. now i feel stupid thinking my jokes were funny...I only came back because I thought you were pretty.I aint no joke writter or nothing...(ever see abuse like that of the english language)..Im just naturally stupid.By the way ..what in the hell would you do with the cowbell...any way...dont drop by my page today.....I deleted all my..so called girl friends....31 girls on the same page are bound to find out about each other sooner or later....well I gotta go back read some more about you and who you are..Id like to know who I trying to pick up...so later hun..your absolutely....pretty...

Naturally stupid, huh? Well, dish me up a fat serving of that - and pronto. Why, oh why, do they always call me Hun or Sexy Pie??? I hate being called anything other than "Your Majesty" by toothless strangers.

K we meet for a drink and talk about life. If I make you smile and laugh and were totally two HOT people together then we take off and try out this thing called love? LOL What do you say? Maybe love turns into hot LOVErs? Soul mates? I'm a bit of a bad boy but in a very good way. Where you at?

K, um, LOL, we can't meet for a drink and talk about life. LOL. We cannot possibly be two HOT people together (eeew!), let alone soul mates, because you look like a child I could have had with my brother. I say no. LOL. Not looking fer an inbred, bad boy hot LOVEr. Thanks anyway. LOL. Where me at? Nowhere near you.

So give me a chance.... The worst that could happen is you spend an hour or two with someone having dinner, and know it won't work.... Or.... you might meet "the One"

Um, no Mr. Dahmer, the worst that could happen is that you'll be "the One" to put my head in a freezer.

I don't red

This was on his profile under Favorite Books. No comment needed.

well it is a pleasure to see your smile. it really lightens my day. I am looking for a job and at the same time trying to over come a battle of depression. I hope have a great day.

Unemployed and depressed? Score! Naturally Stupid is looking better and better. This one actually made me sad for a second. I hope-had a great day too.

my name is mike and i beleve in god

Well, good on ya Mike. My name is Emily and I beleve in spell check.

god your so beautiful up for talking??? I would love to get to know you better and get together for some fun... you up for it...???

These are the guys that actually piss me off. They want sex, fine. Who doesn't? But they get unbelievably pushy about it. Besides, I'm not remotely interested in hooking up with random strangers - especially those that have their asses on their profile pictures and 3000 porn site "Friends." I've had guys instant message me, ask me to meet them and have sex right then and then get pissy when I respectfully decline. One was this 21 year old Utah cowpoke that kept emailing and calling me a "Brat" because I had no interest in giving him my phone number so we could have sex. I told him I was too old to be called a brat so he called me a cock tease. My fault for answering the fetus in the first place. Block and delete.

But, the very best of the worst was this sweet soul:

Hello, I'm looking for a sexual partner. I'm 27 years old. I live in Utah USA. I'm in a wheelchair. I'm looking to lose my virginity. If you are a real woman (21 or older) really looking for some fun, then I look forward to your reply. Please send some pics of you. The sexier the better.

I'd rather eat MyOwnHead.