Sad But Kinda True

I was hanging out with some never-been-member friends and, as happens here in Utah, the subject of Mormons came up. Cassie got this only-a-tiny-bit-annoyed look on her face and said, "Mormons are really cute until they're about 18."

I laughed out loud. What a funny thing to say! It was like she was talking about some cute little animal that starts out with big, round baby eyes and soft fur and then BAM! turns into a long necked, beety eyed, rabid sewer creature.

But, as I thought about it, and as she explained what she meant, I had to kind of agree with her. She grew up in Vegas but was never LDS so she has a very different perspective than we, who were raised LDS, have. She pointed out that Mormon kids are, generally speaking, some of the nicest kids you'll ever know. They are polite, thoughtful, helpful, confident, talented, responsible - exactly the kinds of kids you want your own kids to hang out with and date. But, seemingly after the age of 18, that changes.

I actually think that those qualities are still there but they morph into something much more agenda driven. As she pointed out, many adult Mormons become increasingly close minded, judgemental, very afraid to think and live outside a very constricted box and do not allow their own kids to befriend, let alone date, anyone outside the faith (yes, this does happen - I have known people in each of my Las Vegas, Connecticut and Utah wards that wouldn't allow their children to have non-member friends, and that is one of the biggest complaints of non-member friends I have that grew up here). We become extremely conversion focused and determined to avoid the very appearance of the looooong list of evil things we are taught to avoid the very appearance of.

Now, that is a fairly broad generalization and there are many, many exceptions to that rule - especially outside of Utah. I personally know a lot of really wonderful LDS people that are interesting, smart, relaxed, accepting and very much live and think outside the culture box. But, in my opinion, they are, unfortunately, the exception and not the rule.

That change does start around the age of 18. For the guys, some vital part of their soul, and actually some of that hopeful and vibrant light in their eyes, seems to get lost on their missions. I saw this time and time again with members of my own family as well as with several friends. Not all, mind you, some came home better people than when they left. But many came home with something just...missing.

The rest of us seem to start morphing when we get married and realize that we have to start being responsible and accountable. We become our brother's keepers - thus often severely boundary impaired, general authorities in training, God's in training and we begin taking everything far too seriously. We focus on fear of consequences, commandments, being perfect, eternal rewards and punishments, and our own bar of judgement accountability. That innocent Lightness of Being we had when were Young Men and Women gains about ten thousand pounds and becomes brittle. We furrow our brows, put our shoulders to the wheel and we push along. And Cassie was right - it's not cute.

It's actually very sad because I look around me at my friends who have testimonies AND have maintained that Lightness of Being, and at the young people in my neighborhood ward that haven't lost it yet, and I want to bottle it up for everyone else to drink along with their Tahitian Noni Miracle Juice.

Me, I'll just add it to Mr. Jose Cuervo and slam it naked. Now that would be cute!