Simply Crushing

It's a strange and wonderful thing to still be having crushes at my age. Most of the time they infuse my life with much needed energy, hope and reasons to giggle. And then, admittedly, there are the days I mutter to myself, "I am just way too old for this shit."

My son is in the sixth grade. He and his friends are discovering, for the first time, the highs and lows of being at the mercy of a crush. The wonderful feelings that accompany "going with" or being newly coupled with another person, as well as the misery and devastation of being rejected and / or heartbroken by the one we desire. It's tough. And I wish I could tell him that it gets better, but that just flat out ain't the case.

I well remember my first crushes and how they ruled over my every waking thought. And I remember all the time I spent weeping and pining as only a true ten-year-old drama queen can pine. I am happy to report that I have since grown wiser, more understanding and a tiny bit more patient. For the most part. In many ways, yes, having a crush at nearly forty years old (holy shit) is a cake walk compared to when I was ten. I really do know that if a man doesn't want to hold hands with me during "couples skate" at the roller rink, much like Bennett Cale in the sixth grade, life really will go on. That I don't need to cry hysterically on the couch for hours. While the wondering - "Does he like me back?" or "Will he call?" or "Will he return my email?" or "Did he have as much fun on the date as I did?" - still exists, I bounce back much quicker when the answer is no. And I no longer take it personally. I know I'm great and if he's not into me that's okay. It will still sting for a bit but, oh well. Such is life.

That's probably the best part, I no longer allow myself to make up all those girlie excuses for guys not calling, not asking me out, not pursuing things further when there really did appear to be initial interest. No more "He's shy" or "He's intimidated" (one of the lamest excuses we women use to make ourselves feel better) or "Maybe he's just too busy right now." I am a die hard convert to the "He's just not into you" philosophy. If he's not showing interest in me, as far as I'm concerned he's not feeling interest in me. Acknowledge, accept and move on. Enormous time and energy saver. Seriously.

Truth be told, some things about crushing are much more fun as a grown up. At the age of ten, a crush just meant that I wanted to be near the boy in question and to know he liked me back. That was it. Holding hands would have freaked me out, let alone everything that can delightfully accompany dating now. I mean, back then whipped cream was merely something to be licked off of hot fudge sundaes - not bodies. Which, by the way, OMG!!! Who knew???

But some things are not more fun. In the sixth grade there was no comprehension of every complicated thing that accompanies even thinking about commitment - especially for those of us that have had our hearts pounded into bloody pulp too many times to count. It's a bizarre mixture of sublime joy and horrifying terror that makes me want to run screaming to the nearest cave - despite the hanging-by-a-thread belief that it may still be possible to have everything I've ever wanted. It's really quite sad to realize that I am currently at a point where the fact that a man is actually into me is far more frightening than the possibility that he's not. There is still work to do. Oh well. Again, that's life. Welcome to it.

I guess many of the same rules apply to both me and my son: Go forward, be smart, be brave, keep breathing, don't be in a hurry, remember that it's more important to be happy than loved, trust life and self, cry when needed and laugh often. A sense of humor is essential - especially when it comes to love. Crushes come and crushes go. They hit hard and fade away. And then, one day, one will stick like spaghetti to the fridge and won't send you to hell. Or to the free clinic.

And that just might end up being really, really nice.