Battle Cries of The Sexually Dysfunctional:Part II

On the other hand...

While I was being warped in my Young Women's class on Sundays, many Saturdays were spent watching half naked men simulate sodomy with one another while hanging out of their apartment windows during Gay Day Festivals. I saw men in fishnet cock socks and black leather chaps groping each other in front of giant ejaculating penis window displays and I was given free access to piles of gay porn. Is that really any better?

If I had to choose between the two I would love to say that I would err on the side of freedom. But here's the thing: after I watched those men go kinda crazy, I also watched them kinda die. In the near blink of an eye, an entire community was obliterated by AIDS, taking from me several people that I loved with all my heart. And I'm not singling out gay men. I've watched straight women I loved die too. I've witnessed many, many friends deal with severe consequences of past sexual behavior that they have grown to deeply regret.

Short of everyone on the planet entering solid and effective therapy, there are no easy answers. I think that ultimately I just want all the judgement and finger pointing to stop. By myself as much as anyone. It's exhausting. Come on, what right do any of us have to make another person conform to our beliefs and comfort zones - especially if they are fear and shame based? If someone wants to have so much sex it kills them, then they have every right to do so. And by the same token, if people want to castigate themselves and believe they will lose eternal rewards for going down on their significant other, or for masturbating, who am I to tell them they can't do so? Neither of these are choices I would make for myself but that is the beautiful thing about being human. We get to live and learn and experience and choose for ourselves.

The problems come when our choices affect other people. And like it or not, when it comes to sex, unless we're talking about masturbation, other people are always affected. If we are recklessly screwing anything that walks, it's not merely our own life we're risking - we're taking others down in flames with us. I'm not at all okay with that. And if we are stuck in a religious or self imposed sexual straight jacket we may not only be passing on extremely unhealthy attitudes to our children, and thus our children's children (not to mention those we teach on Sunday), but we may very likely be depriving our significant other of a sexual life they desire and deserve. I'm not okay with that either.

In the end all I really want is for people at either extreme to stop throwing stones and, instead, take and long hard look in the mirror. If everyone could just have the humility and courage to recognize and take responsibility for their own shit, we could all finally just get on with the business of living and loving.

The joy found on the other side of dysfunction is mind-blowing. Trust me. Come on in, the water's fine.