I Still Believe In Love Dammit.

Today is Valentine's Day, or in other words, the shittiest holiday of the year.

Unless one is among the lucky, and the few, that has a really healthy and loving romantic relationship with another person and a really healthy and loving relationship with oneself, this day tends to make one want to take a nap in the oven. Because even if one actually does have someone to play the "flowers, chocolates, go out to dinner then take a candlelit bath and have mind blowing sex" game with, it's not necessarily a guarantee of a great Valentine's Day. Relationships that have shit to deal with still have that shit to deal with on February 14th. And individuals (primarily women with their goofy expectations of how the day should go and how they should be treated - don't get me started) that have shit to deal with also still have that shit to deal with on February 14th. So, being alone is not the only reason that this day sucks for millions of people.

I, however, am having a fabulous day. Probably because I am utterly and completely without man. Actually, there is no "probably" about it. I am utterly and completely without man for the first time in years and am thrilled. Don't get me wrong, I do want a man. Very much in fact. And not just because I really miss sex, which I also do. Very much. I just no longer need a man the way I used to. And that doesn't even mean that I no longer need a man. I do still need, and want, a man. But I no longer need a man to validate and complete me. And this lets me know that I am that much closer to finally having the relationship I have always yearned for because I am finally whole and complete without it - a place I so often doubted I would reach no matter how hard I worked to get there. But I am here. And I am alone. And it is Valentines Day. And I am happier than I have been in years.

And so, a poem, in honor of those for whom this is not the absolute shittiest holiday of the year and in hopeful anticipation of the man of my dreams (or at least my future ex-boyfriend):

To The Sound of the Rain

I want to love you tonight
To the sound of the rain.

I want to be
Roof and walls to you,
And burning wood.

I want you to see my smile
For a second of lightning.

I want you to hear
The steady beat of my heart
Between the thunder
And my voice
Whispering your name
And almost silent kisses
As I love you tonight
To the sound of the rain.

- Carol Lynn Pearson