And The Oscar Goes To...

Another night at the Oscars. Another reminder that I am light years away from where I am supposed to be in my life. Or am I?

When I was a little girl, Oscar night was sacred. Everything at our house stopped when the Academy Awards were on. We popped popcorn and I was allowed to stay up late - even though it was a school night.

“Look you guys,” my dad would beam as he pointed to the glimmering icon of cinematic achievement, “That’s what Em’s going to have one day.”

I was supposed to be the biggest star ever. And I was supposed to have achieved this title about ten years ago. My dad had it all figured out. I was going to be a fabulous combination of Meryl Streep, Bette Midler and Barbara Streisand - what else would a frustrated gay man desire for his firstborn performing monkey of a daughter? But then he died. And I took a very long nap with Satan. And I woke up over twenty years later wondering what the hell happened to my life.

My life is, actually, at least a little bit more on track these days than the show was last night. It didn't know if it wanted to be an Artsie Fartsie Modern Dance Extravaganza or a Nickelodeon Trivia Fest. But the Will Ferrell, Jack Black and John C. Reilly musical number, not to mention Jennifer Hudson and Beyoncé Knowles vocally knocking it into the stratosphere, was absolutely worth every other moment that didn't quite thrill me.

Usually it takes me a couple of days to stop quietly bleeding after I watch the Oscars. But, blessed relief, this year there was no knife through my heart. Well, except for the moment when my daughter -- in response to my dramatic outcry of "I can't believe I didn't win. Again!" -- burst into laughter and ever so sensitively reminded me that, "They don't even know who you are!" Thankfully this year there was just all around enjoyment, appreciation, and anticipation for kick-ass things to come. Because, as previously stated, I have hightailed it off my Island of Broken Dreams and am now a happy and permanent resident of the Island of New and Revised Dreams where many, many things are still possible.

My EZ Auto Insurance TV commercial, that gives my friends cause for gleeful phone mocking at wee hours of the morning, certainly won't be winning awards anytime soon. And my upcoming role in the film "Taking Five" will probably only serve to make a few of my kids friends think I'm kind of, sort of, cool. I don't have anything close to an Oscar. And I currently live in Utah, where acting work is often scarce.

But here is what I do have. I have an indestructible spirit, a sense of humor about nearly anything that comes my way, and mountains of stories with accompanying, and hard earned, wisdom. I have a solid first draft of an amazing book and a book proposal I chip away at every night after work. I will have an agent. I will have a publisher. I will have love. And I will have many, many more of my dreams come true because, just maybe, I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. Maybe, for what lies ahead of me, I am not one moment behind or off track.

At the very least I still believe in myself, my life, love, and all the wonders of existence that I refuse to ever give up on or let go of. And, for that, I would very much like to thank my parents, my children, my family, my friends, Jose Cuervo, the Dove Chocolate Co., Kelly Services for employing me through the lean years, my future agents, publishers, managers, publicists, co-producers, co-stars, and, of course, the Academy.